Never Lose Hope
by Carath
Summary: [Femslash HG/OC]3rd year Hogwarts, after Chamber of Secrets. A mysterious girl is accepted at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. She seems to know a lot more than she ought to do. Thus Hermione, as top-student takes interest in her and tries to unveil her supposed secrets. A story with different point of views, mixing up a lot and bringing in a little bit more darkness...
1. Chapter 1 - A New Start

Femslash, Romance, Struggle, Adventure, Horror

Pairings: OC Female/Hermione Granger

Description: Taking place after the Chamber of Secrets in Hermione's third year. A mysterious girl is accepted at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. She seems to know a lot more than she is ought to do. Thus Hermione, as top-student takes interest in her and tries to unveil her supposed secrets. A story with different point of views, mixing up the muggle and wizarding worlds and bringing in a little bit more darkness to the story. Besides, Snape turns out to be not such a jerk and takes a rather 'good' turn here.

Disclaimer: This story will develop into a same-sex lovestory. Please be aware of that!

 _Please take a little time and review!_

* * *

 _Chapter 1_

 **-A New Start-**

 _*Nothing is like it seems*_

 **POV Harry**

"What did you just say?", Ron pressed out between his mouthful of food over the Gryffindor breakfast table. It was Thursday of the first week into the new term and everybody still needed to resettle in everyday's school life after the events of the Chamber of Secrets.

"I SAID", Hermione answered quite angrily after Ron seemed to ignore the first two times she stated this sentence, "that Potions wasn't that bad. You know? The first class this new teacher Mr. Jeffson gave after Snape swapped subjects?".

"Ah that.", he repeated, "Actually I was trying to forget it. I mean you're right. With Jeffson I've the feeling to finally learn something in this friggin' class."

"Yeah, it's definitely different. But I'm anxious about Snape being our Defense against the Dark Arts teacher. It's certain he KNOWS, what he's talking about. But... it's Snape...", I added to the conversation.

Evidently the news had shocked the trio as much as everybody else: After applying 3 years in a row for the post of the Defence against the Dark Arts teacher Dumbledore this year announced Snape to be the replacement for the "not-so-able" Gilderoy Lockhart. Mr. Nikolaj Jeffson, a very muscular small man with an exact hand in terms of measurements, cutting and brewing, turned out to be someone with whom the students could cope. But apart from the Slytherins everybody was shocked and a little freaked out by the news. Especially me, considering our history.

"Snape will be trying to kill us on Friday. He will teach us the Unforgivables and let Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle duel us. Not that it won't be manageable to beat these idiots, but Snape will surely deceive us and give any advantage possible to his house-brats.", Ron said.

"That's not very likely.", matter-of-factly answered Hermione. "It's a pity though, that they didn't change the house/class rotation, too. Defence against the Dark Arts together with Slytherin will be a challenge tomorrow." Though she tried to sound somehow professional, her composure seemed to be just as anxious as ours.

"And definitely not a nice one...", I added rather flatly.

Before I could further elaborate my opinion on Snape as a moral being, we were interrupted by Mrs. McGonagall opening the big doors to the Great Hall and leading a shallow, shy looking girl in the usual Hogwartsrobe into the dining room. It was odd to have a new student after the sorting at the beginning of term. Especially as this girl looked like she was in our age. Professor McGonagall came straight up to the Slytherins, spoke briefly to the lot at the end of the table and after pushing the new girl to sit down next to Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini she strolled forward to the teacher's table, taking her usual seat next to the headmaster. As I watched the girl's unease at the prying eyes of the fellows sitting next to her, a thought crossed my mind: "What the heck is the matter with her? Being a Slytherin and being so uncomfortable near the most Slytherin-ish boy in the whole school, Malfoy?"

"Who is she?", Ron asked bluntly.

Hermione added: "And why does Professor McGonagall seat her at the Slytherin's table and not Snape?".

Seamus, one of the guys I share a room in the Gryffindor tower with, concluded: "Well, that is certainly a mystery to be solved soon enough. But THAT she is a beautiful girl, even those snake-guys seem to notice.". While saying so he pointed to Blaise's, Draco's and the other males' intent stares at the new student at the opposite of the room. Well, she most certainly was pretty but nonetheless she seemed to be annoyed by the whole situation.

"BOYS!", Ginny snapped us to attention, "This is so stupid! As soon as a good-looking girl comes around, you're all after her!"

"Ginny's right...", Hermione added.

Immediately Ron retorted: "You're just envious. And being girls yourself, you can't really talk about that...".

"Of course I can! I mean she is pretty but...", Ron interrupted Hermione: "Ah come on! You simply can't stand the fact, that our attention is with another girl. You girls are all so envious. And then you pretend it's not a matter for you!".

Before things exploded, as I saw a reddening Hermione and an angry Ginny just about to respond, I chose to ease the situation by declaring: "Guys! Guys and girls, it's nothing to argue about. By the way, Ron, Hermione, we have to go to Divination now. The Astronomy tower is at the other end of the castle. Let's get moving, I don't wanna be late."

The participants of the quarrel all shot angry glances at each other but Ron and Hermione simply nodded, stood up, said their goodbyes and followed suit after me out of the Great Hall. Though I noticed Ginny having much trouble to refrain from killing her brother, we managed to get outside, before Hermione and Ron started all over again. After all it was very uncommon that I was so successful in preventing the argument to get out of hand. At least for the time being.

* * *

 **POV Ginny**

"It's so unfair!", I muttered to myself, sitting on my bed in the girl's dormitory after my last class in the evening. Previously I closed the curtains, because I felt sick about the world around me. Why was it so complicated to relate to other people? For obvious reasons, I knew before I came back to Hogwarts that it wouldn't be easy. That everybody would be talking about me being in the Chamber of Secrets and kind of being hijacked by the Dark Lord himself. It brought goose-pimples to my skin just to think about this horror. But of course, the same problem which caused me to feel discomfort then, let me to pour my heart out to this forsaken, damned diary in the first place. Why can't people just accept each other the way they truely are? Why are we always judging people by their looks rather than to get to know them first? Besides, it sucked so hard that the boys were able to make me feel so uncomfortable just by being stupid this morning.

I guess it's just natural that the others thought of me as a freak. Obviously I am. Though it still hurts to be treated like one. Ron's comments at breakfast just were the one drop to let the casket break. This whole male/female thing at it's core isn't that big an issue. Basically, we're all just people, doing best while we're being true to ourselves. Ron always has been some kind of retard in some aspects. But his opinions on women today were so stupid and outdated...

"Here you are!", Hermione said, withdrawing one of the curtains of my cozy bed, "I've been looking for you. What do you think about going outside for a sunset-walk on the school grounds?"

"Oh, hey, yeah sure.", I answered. Brooding over my perceived problems with overall society wasn't too healthy after all. And damn, it WAS a nice evening. Because of the shut curtains I wasn't able to see the beautiful light shining into the dormitory through the big castle windows. Golden colours sparkled on the dormitory's floor. It was marvellous.

As we descended down the stairs, over the common room to the Fat Lady's portrait entrance, Hermione spoke up for my brother as we passed Harry and Ron playing wizard chess. The boys were briefly looking up, we nodded and they returned to their game. At least there weren't anymore comments. Though a part of me wanted them to continue just to have an opportunity of putting the whole lot back to their place.

"Are you still angry at Ron? Because he kind of took it back what he said, when we went outside."

"Did he really? I mean 'kind of'?"

"Well, he acknowledged that maybe not EVERY woman is always jealous, if the men at a table turn their heads around to another girl."

"Ah, come on Hermione, I've lived with him all my life. That's just so ridiculous! He's my brother, I know him. He maybe have said that about you. You being stood directly infront of him pointing with your wand directly at his throat threatening him with a life long joy of vomiting snails. But he meant what he said at the table."

"Eeeeeehm, technically..."

"Yeah, I see. Please spare me the details."

With that we continued to the corridors and went outside. It was wonderful. The sun shone directly into our faces, the birds were singing and miraculously the area around the big lake wasn't too crowded. So Hermione and me walked for two rounds around the lake talking about this and that. It was really nice and finally I felt relaxed.

And I didn't took this privilege for granted. Hermione was the school's best student. Incredibly intelligent, friendly, handsome and we were on a good way to become friends. At first it was awkward, because I was just the little sister of one of her best companions. And, of course, the events around the chamber wore me down. But it turned out that we shared a lot of interests, opinions and of course the same close people around us. So I guess, there was enough common ground for us to be comfortable in each other's company.

It would be so awesome to feel her being my friend.

* * *

 **POV Julia (OC)**

Happily no one in particular paid attention to me while I got changed and went outside the castle for a run, somewhere where I could be alone. It didn't go too bad though for a first day. This strict Gryffindor head teacher (What was her name again?) who'd taken me to the Slytherin table this morning said, that a certain "Professor Snape" would be my head of house. I'll get to know him on my first DADA- [Defence against the Dark Arts] class tomorrow morning. Hopefully he'll be alright and able to teach me a lot.

Overall, England and especially this school wasn't too bad. Everything was so nice here, so full of history and magic. The castle, with its massive square stone walls gave me certain sense of security. A sense, which wasn't granted for me to have. Thus it seemed that here I was finally able to concentrate and learn about my magical talents in a proper way. But now, I definitely needed some physical exercise to clear my mind. After all, what would you use your first sunny evening in your new school for?

Once I was outside the castle I turned to the Forbidden Forest and started at a slight speed. As I reached the trees I kept going along the shore of the woods and ran at a quicker pace. I remembered it to be prohibited, to go into it. Though I was wondering why. What could be so dangerous, that it was forbidden for people able to use magic to go into it? Maybe it was a little bit of overprotectiveness on the side of the headmaster. It was just a forest after all.

As some shiny sunrays played on my face, I had to broadly smile. What a vast opportunity it was to be here.

* * *

 **Hermione POV**

It was really nice to stroll around the Great Lake togehter with Ginny. We talked about this and that and had a pretty good time. Suddenly we noticed that new girl running outside the castle and obviously having a not-so-easy workout. Being muggle-born, I knew what she was doing. Although I wasn't a big sportswoman, at least when I visited my parents I always took the time to go for run myself. Funnily in Hogwarts nobody, including myself, normally did it. Hence for Ginny it seemed kind of strange seeing the new girl running.

"What does she do there? Isn't it the new girl from breakfast?", she asked.

"Yes and I think she is doing some physical exercises."

"Physical exercise? Good on her but I've never seen anyone around here just running along the grounds for having a chilling workout routine before sunset."

"Well, it ain't a bad idea! After all you might have some use for a run yourself!", I gayly remarked with a playful smirk on my face while I pinched her side.

"Hermione Granger!", she seemingly angry said snapping my hand away, "Do you want to apply that I'm too fat?"

"No, no, don't worry. I just wanted to see how you react."

"Shut up! No, but seriously I'm interested in getting to know her.", Ginny added while pointing in the direction of the new student.

And so was I. She was indeed very good-looking, even though she was wearing herself down running. Suddenly I became very self-conscious of my not-so-sportive-physique.

"Ginny?"

"Yeah?!"

"Maybe, sometime, we should do some sports, too."

Reddening, Ginny poked me in the rips and we started laughing.

In that moment, I was very content with my life.

* * *

"Mankind's secret terrors are the realities which Gothic novelists seek to engage through their extravagant and impossible fictions... It is not Walpole's ghosts who inspire terror, but the ghosts we carry within us." David Morris


	2. Chapter 2 - The First DADA-Class

Femslash, Romance, Struggle, Adventure, Horror

Pairings: OC Female/Hermione Granger

Description: Taking place in the third year in Hogwarts after the Chamber of Secrets. A mysterious girl is accepted at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. She seems to know a lot more than she is ought to do. Thus Hermione, as top-student takes interest in her and tries to unveil her supposed secrets. A story with different point of views, mixing up the muggle's and wizard's worlds and bringing in a little bit more darkness to the story. Besides, Snape turns out to be not such a jerk and takes a rather 'good' turn here.

Disclaimer: This story will develop into a same-sex lovestory. Please be aware of that!

 _Every comment, hint or critique is very welcome!_

* * *

 _ **Chapter 2**_

 **-The First Defence against the Dark Arts Class-**

The next day started as lovely as the last ended. Marvellous sunshine waited outside the castle – but the study routine inside had just started. Instead of using the good weather for something more pleasant than studying, the heads of half the school's third years spun around another topic. Usually you would hear a muttered complaint, maybe from Ron, Fred or George, but today things were different. As the Gryffindors came into the Great Hall for breakfast Harry, Ron and Hermione spotted Severus Snape already sitting at the teacher's desk, devouring a cup of black tea. As usual, he didn't wear any emotion on his face though it must have been very satisfying for him being able to teach at his first ever Defence against the Dark Arts [DADA] class this morning.

Although the trio certainly, as most Gryffindors did, held a huge grudge against their former Potions teacher, all three were anxious to see how things would proceed. In the past, they didn't learn enough. Professor Quirrel and Professor Lockhart had been – well, kind of unprepared to prepare the students for the danger that laid ahead. At least the three friends knew that for sure. Harry did SEE and FEEL the Dark Lord's presence. He suffered at his power. Ron nearly lost his sister to a somewhat preserved former self of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. For them and for the other people, who weren't indulged in ignorance was it clear even then, that the Dark Lord was not dead. That though he might not have found a suitable body yet, his ghost or whatever it has been, survived. A lot of people doubted that. And who would blame them? Every day was arduous enough even without the big evil. Most families had personal memories, sufferings and losses endured during the reign of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Though it hurt especially Harry that many people around and even students won't believe the truth, Hermione understood. Maybe it was natural. Like a self-defence-complex to pretend a certain danger not being true in order to not be forced to deal with it.

One thing was for sure: Severus Snape was an extremely able wizard. Ok, he seemed to be unapproachable; to be arrogant; to be unfair (like ANY Gryffindor wouldn't agree with that) and neither Ron nor Harry nor Hermione could remember one pleasant Potions class in the last two years. But if anyone knew how someone could fight against Death Eaters or how their enemy fought it was him.

Although no one seemed to have seen his Dark Mark, the students knew that Snape was a former Death Eater. Why Dumbledore trusted him, was beyond their understanding. However, to say everybody hated him as a teacher would be unjust. The new DADA-teacher was very loyal to his own house Slytherin. He supported his students in every way he could. Of course, he was not a fighter for justice or equality, being painfully remembered what these words meant by the self-rightousness of his former class mates and associates in the past. But he was very good in spotting talents in other people and if he chose them to be worth the effort, he helped them to develop those abilities. It was common knowledge that Snape was the Godfather of Draco Malfoy and that he still held close relations with the parents of some Slytherin students. More than enough in the eyes of Ron.

Confirming the rivalry between Slytherin and Gryffindor, the atmosphere at breakfast was something between the coolhouse of a butcher's shop and the warmth of a graveyard at night. The students shot each other uneasy glances across the room though Julia, the new Slytherin student, seemed to be unaware of that.

* * *

 **POV Draco**

"Sorry, Draco, could you please explain something to me?", Julia asked me politely across the table.

In a mixture of irritability and remembering my good manners I answered: "Yes, of course. Go on."

"Why is everybody so tense around here?"

Pansy, sitting next to me, snapped: "Why is everybody so TENSE around here? Because we're going to have class with those bloody Gryffindors. I don't know where you're coming from but you've surely heard of the rivalry betweeen these two houses, don't you?"

"Ehm, to be honest – no.", retorted Julia. She was obviously not used to Pansy's rough way of behaviour and seemed to be very self-conscious. Who could blame her? Even I now and then couldn't stand her.

Thus I added with a little bit more warmth in my tone: "It's a rivalry reaching back to the founding of our school. As you have noticed, there are four houses in this facility. Each house represents a certain set of qualities and talents their respective students have. The Speaking Hat analyses you and puts you in the most suiting house according to your disposition."

"Oh c'mon Draco! You're not going to explain every tiny little bit of common knowledge now, are you?", Pansy interrupted me. I hated it to be interrupted.

"Obviously, it's NOT common knowledge. Or if you didn't notice, we have a new girl sitting right next to us. And if she is to fit in here, she has to know about this", I retorted with a decent amount of defiance in my voice.

Becoming even more self-conscious Julia said: "Please, don't argue because of me. But what are those respective 'qualities and talents'?".

"Be sure of that, when I want to explain you something, I won't accept someone telling me to not do it. Do you understand that Pansy?".

Though there was a lot of conflict potential in the next hours, Pansy sometimes needed to remember not to interfere with my business. And in small occasions like a breakfast conversion, this sneaky girl would always check grounds and look out for weak spots to be exploited when useful. Politics, nothing more.

"I do, sorry Draco.", Pansy admitted quietly. But her eyes spoke another language.

"Be sure of that, we don't argue. Look, let's start with Revenclaw. Everybody being focussed around a certain aspect of science, matched with incredible intelligence and devotion will be sorted into this house. Hufflepuff has its focus on the qualities of positive emotions. On kindness, friendliness and caring for other people..."

"Ah c'mon Draco. Hufflepuff is for all those students, who have the gift of magic but don't have any other special qualities, everybody knows that!", Pansy flung in between – again.

"Will you shut it for one second? And while interrupting me again you're obviously not aware of the fact, that anybody has special talents, no one else has in that certain combination. I could even argue that about you!", I glared angrily at Pansy and continued, "So, Slytherin is the house of the students with the biggest ambitions and discipline to reach their goals. Especially the discipline part distinguishes us from the rest. Though even here some do have a lesser amount of it than others...". As I finished that sentence I shot Pansy another look, which finally made her to focus on her meal.

"What about Gryffindor?", Julia asked.

"The main talent of Gryffindors is their ability to have hope and the inner strength to stand up for weaker people around them. Though they usually engage in a somehow stupid and not thought-through way of acting. Which leads us to the point, that they perceive themselves to be the good guys and fighting for values and 'the light'."

"What do they think about Slytherin?"

"That we are the bad guys, close to You-Know-Who and into dark magic."

"I've read about that dark magic thing and this great wizard threatening the society around 13 years ago, so no need to bore Pansy any longer. Thank you, Draco".

"Nothing to say thank you for.", I replied. Soon afterwards we finished and got ready to our first DADA-class with uncle Severus.

* * *

 **POV Ron**

It was tremendous – Defence against the Dark Arts with Snape! I was nervous to be honest. Would he let us fight each other? At least I could beat Malfoy's ass then and there. But, because I've already started with this "honesty"-thing, I was scared, too. There were just too many conflicts between the two houses. And it felt like a spark could ignite a whole wave of new animosity although the term just started.

As we filed into the class room, Gryffindors and Slytherins naturally seperated each other. The Gryffindors sat right while Malfoy and Co sat to the left. It was a room I've never been inside before. Like our Potions classroom this one was located in the cellar-like dungeons, too. It was actually a nice although cold room. The walls were of massiv black stone and were plastered with huge tapestries in red, beige and yellow colours. Funny, they could've been laid out in our common room.

It was a rectangular room. Snape, as usual, chose a setting of sitting infront opposite to us. He was clad in his usual black robes and if his damned heart jumped in joy because he finally made it to be the teacher in this subject, he didn't show any hint of it in his face.

* * *

 **POV Hermione**

The boys and me sat down in the middle of the right column of tables. Interestingly this new girl was sitting next to us just over the small corridor seperating Gryffindor and Slytherin students. Next to her sat Malfoy. Though she still seemed to stick to herself, her body language seemed her to be at ease, sitting next to Draco. Something, not many people would be.

Strikingly, I really liked looking at her. She has a certain blankness in her face. A little bit like Snape but her eyes; damn her eyes spoke a different language. They were full of emotions though I'd completely no idea how to interprete what I saw. She wore long-sleeve-robes, which again reminded her of Snape. But Snape certainly wore those to conceal his Dark Mark. Does she need to conceal something, too?

"Ey, Hermione!", Ron nudged me in the ribs, "Lesson started and if you're ought to continue staring at this new Slytherin girl, Snape will...".

"What... Will... I..., Mr. Weasley?", Snape asked, lingering around every word and obviously enjoying to make Ron's face reddening rapidly.

"Nothing, Professor! I kind of day-dreamed and he told me that class started and I should concentrate.", I threw in to protect Ron. After all, he didn't do anything wrong.

"I didn't ask you, Miss Granger. Because this term starts with you interrupting every lesson like in the two years before, Gryffindor loses 5 points."

All Gryffindors seemed to be very upset but everybody kept their mouthes shut. They knew better than to say something at this stage. I felt myself to redden. Interestingly, I also felt the new girl looking at me, which caused me to redden even more.

"Mr. Weasley, is it correct, what Miss Granger said?"

Ron answered (awaiting his share of punishment): "Yes, sir."

"Well, I couldn't hope for something like this to pass your lips. But I guess, you did right."

WHAT? Did Snape right there just say to Ron that he was right? He must've measured on the look on Ron's face. Obviously he was surprised as hell. It was still not fair from Snape to punish us already. But this, so far was never heard before.

"As I'm sure you're all aware, you're not sitting in a Potions room but in the Defence against the Dark Arts class. I know that some of you...", and Snape's view went over to the Slytherins,"... were very supportive of my appointment. Others...", and here his stare lingered on us, "... may... disapprove. But be assured that your education in this subject will much improve in quality. Not, that THAT will be difficult."

At Snape's last comment the Slytherins giggled. Well, Lockhart seriously has been an idiot, after all.

"So, to start with, open your books at page..."

With that our first DADA-lesson under Snape started and I made a mental note to myself to think about it more closely in private.


	3. Chapter 3 - A day to be content with

_Enjoy!_

* * *

 _ **Chapter 3**_

 **-A day to be content with-**

 **POV Hermione**

As I walked down the corridors to the library on the first day of the first weekend in this term I was wondering about the Defence against the Dark Arts class. It stung that it was because of me that we lost 5 points already in the house competition. But after all, the lesson has been a good one, in more then one sense. Despite his attitude Snape was a dedicated teacher and though we just did theoretical things I liked it. It seemed like the professor was inspired by his new job. He was by far not so aggressive and annoying as in the years before. Naturally, as I love reading I'm into theoretical things as well as in practical exercises. I mean, at least for the first class.

And there was more. I found myself over and over again being forced to look at this new girl – Julia as I got to know by now. Hopefully no one noticed. It's a bit strange because I can't explain it. She didn't seem like the other Slytherins in spite of the fact that in my opinion she was very into studying and good in shutting herself out of the unimportant surroundings.

And how she looked... long, black hair, a slender face and blue, incredibly intriguing eyes and a body composure of self-confidence but yet also a fair amount of shyness. It was to no avail; I had to admit, that even now I caught myself thinking about her.

This was strange! I were never before so interested in a girl – or a boy to be honest. Well, of course there were some, who I thought to be very good looking and who I thought would be cool to hang out with. But this was kind of different. Maybe I would get a chance to talk to her. If there would be one I'll seize it, that's for sure.

"Miss Granger, good that I meet you here. Would you please come with me into my office? There is one important point to discuss.", Professor McGonagall more than just "asked" as I nearly stumbled into her down the hallway. Basically it was an order.

"Of course, Professor. I was heading for the library, so that's on the way.", I answered and followed suit behind the strict teacher.

As we reached her quarters, I was as always set back by two things in her office: Firstly, there was this strange cosiness, which every time I didn't expect feeling there. Though by now I know Professor McGonagall and despite that I've been to this room before, this atmosphere startled me every time again. Secondly, there was this air of intellect, conjured by sturdy bookshelves, the parchments on the big wooden desk and McGonagalls tidy small letters on some of them. Together with the lit fireplace and the nice window overlooking the big lake made it in my eyes a perfect place to work in.

The Transfiguration teacher mentioned me to sit before her desk and after she sat down I did so myself. Then she started:

"Miss Granger, as you are aware, you did exorbitantly well in your first two years here in our school. Because I see very big potential in your abilities I talked to the headmaster about your studies."

"Thank you very much, Professor."

"It's the truth. You worked very hard and you have been rewarded by that being the student with the best marks in the whole school. Anyway, you still could do better and more. On this point Professor Dumbledore and me totally agree on."

"But Mrs. McGonagall, I did all I could do. There was not more I could've done because I didn't have any more time.", I threw in anxiously. What did she mean? The whole last year I worked my butt off and now...

"Don't get this the wrong way Miss Granger. We, Professor Dumbledore and me, agreed on that, too. But there is a way to extend your time span to study. Right here on a desk lies a small golden pocket watch."

My view fell onto the item on the desk.

"Exactly that one. It's a time turner..."

As I came out of McGonagall's office I still felt a little bit dizzy. THIS WAS BRILLIANT! Using the time turner I could take ALL subjects this term. Everything, and I wouldn't have to choose. This was really awesome.

While I started my way on to the library, a thought crossed my mind: "Damn, I could've asked McGonagall why she walked Julia inside the Great Hall and not Professor Snape.".

There, it was again. I was AGAIN thinking about that girl. Strange.

Reaching the library on the third floor I entered and silently nodded my "Hello" to Mrs. Pince the librarian. Due to the nature of these rooms we've hardly ever spoken to each other. But because I've been here a lot of times during the last two years, we built up a constant greeting routine, which seemed to become more and more friendlier each time though we barely spoke a word to each other.

I loved the library. All the books were so full of knowledge I could learn and use. It motivated me everytime, just to see the shelves full of strange titles like "A day in the life of Merlin – Probably the greatest wizard of all times" or "The human mind, muggles and wizards. What devides us?". Mmh, especially the last one would be worth a look. As I moved to get the book I noticed a known figure sitting on my usual spot. It was Julia!

As I was walking over to her, I totally forgot about the book. Damn it, I was curious.

"Hey!", I whispered as I sat down opposite to her, "Do you mind, if I sit with you?"

"No, not at all.", she answered.

Sitting down, it crossed my mind that the library wouldn't be the best place to start a conversation. After all, it was a library and I hated all those idiots, who couldn't shut up while I tried to comprehend something.

So after a few friendly glances, we worked. I noticed that she did some homework for Defence against the Dark Arts. I also noticed that she wore long sleeves again. I noticed her nice long fingers and her beautiful polished nails, too...

She caught me looking. Our eyes met but she seemed cool with that. The moment was quickly over and we settled again into our work. After about two hours I asked her:

"Hey, do you want to go outside for fifteen minutes to catch some fresh air?"

After looking up from her book she answered: " Yeah, sure. Now?".

I agreed and we went outside the library.

As we walked down the corridors to the entrance I asked her kind of unsure: "So, how is it going here? Are you coping?"

"Yeah, it's fine. There is a lot to learn here and it's a great opportunity for me to be able to study in this magical place. It's so beautiful here, the castle, the grounds, everything!"

"That's good to hear. I remember my first days – I was soooo nervous and I couldn't believe things here were exactly like I've read. I mean, I'm muggle-born so I'd no actual contact with magic before Hogwarts."

"Yeah, I see."

"Teaming up with Slytherins now, are we?", tauntingly shouted Blaise Zabini, standing near the entrance doors coming from the opposite direction, "I mean, you're a clever girl Granger. So it was just a matter of time since you would figure out the good from the bad guys – or in this case girls."

"Ah shut up Blaise. Don't you have anything to do besides getting on my nerves?", I shot back rather angrily.

"Oh, don't bother asking. Actually I have. So have a nice day you two.", he retorted and with a smirk on his face went on his way further into the castle.

Julia and I looked at each other and went outside. Once we stepped down the stairs and onto the grounds towards the lake, Julia asked: "What I don't get is this animosity here. We're used to different groups of people fighting each other but in a school? Sorry but what's the point here?"

"You know, there is a lot more than the obvious shit-talk, like that one was. Did you know, that nearly every dark wizard in this country were in some ways affiliated to Slytherin?"

"Eh no, but I can't imagine why."

"Well, i guess it's something about pursuing someone's goals no matter what it takes."

"But that's a good way of thinking, if the goals are worth it."

"Yes, but let the goals beside, in some cases it seems to make you unscrupulous. So much as you would even consider doing black magic and siding yourself with You-Know-Who."

After this there was a short break in our conversation. It was nice to walk around the lake with her. Talking with her I noticed, that her eyes were very awake all the time, scanning everything around us. She walked very straight and her body language, though in anticipation of not being too open, made me curious again.

Finally she asked me why everyone refused to say the Dark Lord's name and why it was such a big deal among the students. I filled in, sparing some of the details but making sure she got the point with ...V-O-L-D-E-M-O-R-T ... being back right. Although it was quite disturbing for me to tell this stuff, she took it without visual emotion to her face.

As we were nearly around the lake, she said: "Thank you, Hermione, for talking to me like that and not being presjudicial towards me."

"Nothing to say thank you for. I enjoyed it being outside with you. But now we really have to get back to work!"

"Yeah, our 15 minutes walk turned out to be rather long."

With that we went back to our place in the library. Oh wait. I just said "our" place...

Anyway, we studied in comfortable silence next to each other, which I was very content to do. It was so cool for me to have someone to be able to study with. Don't get me wrong, I love the company of Ron and Harry. But neither did they have the concentration span like me, nor were they making me feel so ... I don't know the words. Maybe "light".

So, a long story short, it was a really good day and I was very glad I took the opportunity to talk to Julia. Later on I felt the need to go to the Gryffindor common room to see the boys and to relax a bit. Maybe I would use that time turner tonight to study some more. I still couldn't believe McGonagall to give this thing to me. It was incredible! What an awesome day!

So I quietly said my goodbye to Julia, grabbed my back and stuff and headed towards our common room. I didn't catch Harry and/or Ron there, but Ginny was sitting on the sofa infront of the fire place and I felt free to join her.

"Hey Ginny, How is it going? Did you see your brother and Harry? And why are you sitting here alone by yourself?", I asked merrily.

She answered: "Hello Hermione. If you mean with 'my brother' Ronald, I didn't see neither him nor Harry. George said something like Oliver called them out for a Quidditch practice in the afternoon. Maybe Ron joined them?"

"Oh, ok. And why are you sitting all alone here?"

"Ah I don't know."

"Come on, tell me!"

"It's strange around the others. They are always apprehensive towards me. Like I've got a disease or something."

"Of course, it's because of the Chamber...".

"Guess, so.", she said and I noticed how depressed she was about that.

"C'mon Ginny, don't worry. You know how those people are. First they can't believe it. Then they talk about it and afterwards they accept it and the tide turns down. Just sit it out."

"I know. But it sucks."

"Guess what, I've talked to the new girl today. I've met her in the library and...".

With that I started to report everything to Ginny and I couldn't fail to recognize her mood to lighten up. Maybe because she was curious about Julia as well or maybe because I sat down with her and talked to her.

Anyway, though the rest of the day went down rather uneventful (finally I refrained myself from using the time turner just because I used my time to talk and not to study, which kind of killed every right to use it for me) the light warm feeling of being fine made me incredibly happy.

Maybe, because Hogwarts was such an marvellous place to live in. Maybe because of the opportunities it held for me. Maybe because I found people, who accepted me like I am.


	4. Chapter 4 - The Conscience Within

_Hopefully you'll enjoy it as much as I liked it to think it through!_

* * *

 _ **Chapter 4**_

 **–The Conscience Within-**

 **POV Julia**

On Sunday night I quickly went through my evening routine and got into my bed in the girl's dormitory of the Slytherin dungeons. After I shut the curtains I lay down, closed my eyes and listened. The others were still making too much noise. Because I couldn't possibly concentrate like that I took out my wand, which lay beside me as a custom of old. After a silencing spell I was in complete quietness and finally able to concentrate on myself.

Then I closed my eyes and let the darkness catch me; flow through me. I always liked the darkness; the calm; the silence. It took me only seconds to reach the castle. Made out of flat smooth dark stone, it melted perfectly into the night. I never really questioned how it was built or which materials were used for it. Somehow it never mattered to me. A lot of the floors and the walls looked like they were made out of black marble with silvery sparkles in it. Every time I went to this place in my head it was night. For me it was natural like that. This place was my comfort zone; my refuge; my dream and my reality.

As I walked down the long dim corridor I noticed I was barefoot only dressed in a light dark red gown. But it never felt frosty or uncomfortable, when I ventured around here. So tonight, too, no cold came to my body through the stones beneath my feet or the night's air around me. While being in the manor I always felt nice and warm.

Proceeding down the hallway, I noticed now and then that there were rooms to the right. In some of them a nice warm light shone. Some of them were lit by myself on previous occasions. Others weren't. But tonight I withstood my normal urge to switch unused light off and ignored them all. I was heading for my study. After all I had a meeting. And in this place I'm not really sure whether it matters or not.

After a short while I arrived at my destination. Thus I went into the room and sitting in a big armchair infront of a roaring fire I saw him. His face was warm and friendly, though I noticed his brown eyes having an edge in them I disliked because it forbode a disapproving touch to something I might have done. The figure wore a clean white shirt, black elegant trousers with a small but shiny leather belt and black suit-shoes. The sleeves of his shirt were neatly rolled back to his elbows, which accentuated his strong toned muscles. His dark hair wasn't very long but thick and nicely cut. Like always, he looked gorgeous.

"Ah, Anna. On 'time' as always. It always strikes me how we meet here at the same moment.", he said and I started to relax as the feeling of being home showed itself. Maybe we were 'feeling' the correct date of a meeting.

"Hi. It's good to see you."

"Sit down! I've made some tea for us. How have your first days in this 'wizard'-school been?"

"Thanks.", I took a cup, put 3 dices of sugar in it and sipped, "It would be much better, if you refrained yourself from showing your annoyance even in the first sentences you say to me."

"I'm sorry, if I offended you. But you know my point of view of your little 'adventure' in England."

"We've had the discussion before. And the decision was made and I won't change it. I'll give Hogwarts a try and see what I can learn and what I can do to help people." A slight amount of anger fought itself to the front.

"As you know that I love you in all aspects of your personality and that I respect you, I won't try to prevent you from doing so. Nevertheless I feel free to express my opinion on this escapade as often as I want to. But you wanted to tell me how things are developing."

"No, Actually you wanted me to tell you. It's working out quite well. They have this house system in the school and I was sorted into Slytherin, a house which all the others refer to with the attributes of 'darkness', 'evil' and 'black magic'."

He chuckled: "Well, isn't THAT funny?"

"I didn't tell anyone. Their ideas of black and white magic are different. They always refer to this 'evil' wizard Voldemort, who about 14 years ago came to power in England and reigned kind of cruel."

"A Voldemort? Somewhere I've heard that name before. But I guess, he can't have been too bad, can he?"

"It depends on the scale you're measuring with. He segregated people around their blood lines and killed a lot of innocent persons."

"Don't they do that nearly every time?"

"Yes, they do. But the people in Hogwarts are probably not aware of that. So, obviously they've put me into the 'bad' house, which doesn't seem so bad to me. Some of the students there are rather friendly, others not. It's like that in the real world."

"Funny, you're talking about the real world, while being in a space where most people would say it doesn't exit."

"Yeah, the concept of reality is strange. I still can't fully grasp it. Nevertheless I've to use some words to distinguish the places for myself. Though this one isn't less real than Hogwarts, I like to say to the outer world the 'real world' because that's where I want to focus my life."

"Reality has nothing to do with objectivity. It's different for every person, which makes it to some extent a construct without definable borders. So I guess you would've to see it all to comprehend this. Despite I don't know, if I would want to 'see it all' .", the figure said.

Of course I wouldn't want to 'see it all', either. What good could that hold? I've seen so much hatred, lies and delusions before it would suffice for a human's life span. To be honest, I was confused enough with my life just like it was. What could I answer to that?

I took another sip of my tea. The taste was perfect, like always. Through the open window I could see the full moon. The full moon always shone to our meetings. I loved the moon; as I loved the darkness; as I liked it, when the contures were getting indefinite and blurred. It kind of gives you a new angle to the world and calmes every emotion in you down. Sometimes, and especially here, the calmness would make all my hurt and frustration go away for a moment. These moments were priceless and I treasured them in my heart.

The figure looked at me and I felt that familiar feeling of being at home again. After all, he was like the brother to me, I was never fortunate enough to have. We've been through so much, we lost so much, we cried so much. But we fought through it together. Now and then I feel rather detached from him, like he'd developed further while I stood still. But of course, this was just an illusion. We BOTH changed, as it was natural if you get older and more experienced.

Once we were the closest to each other. We knew everything about each other and it felt natural to nearly feel in unison with each other. Then things had shifted and I made the decision to move out into the open again. To get myself up to do something good although I felt so helpless and alone and forsaken. When we met, all these things popped up into my mind and it hurt so much. We weren't that close anymore though we still tried to prevent any harm from us.

He then said:

"You know I just want to let you know, that I'm happy with what makes you happy. I just don't know what will happen, if the people around you find out, who you are and what you're able to. After all, you've developed so much over the past few years that most conflicts the people around you face are long fought through for you. Well, at least concerning suffering and surviving. Maybe it would be wise to conceal the most of it."

"I'm not stupid."

"Of course, you're not. But they might be."

"I chose Hogwarts to help and to get to know a new perspective on things. This is exactly what I'll do there. Besides there are some people around I could imagine being friends with."

"That's good. Of course you will. Just be sure you let the dead being dead and the powers they know nothing off unrevealed. Otherwise they might try to kill you, like Voldemort tried to in regard to your class mate Harry Potter."

"Yes, I'll be careful. After all, it's not like I've to fight for life and death there. I'm studying. Indeed I can learn a lot there. They do things completely different. The charms and jinxes are different as well as their way of eating or their way of teaching. Their whole understanding of magic and their approach towards it is completely apart from ours. Right now I couldn't imagine a situation, in which I would be forced to reveal anything of my past."

"Better do not do so, even if you feel compelled. After all, 'death' rather seems to be a construct quite comparable to that of 'reality', don't you think?"

"Well, let's not hope it will come to that.". Then I felt rather uncomfortable at this thought. Like a big black hole consuming all joy and happiness inside you...

"There is one thing, which I think could lead you to reveal your past. I know you really want to find some friends; someone to be family with. A very good thing to do. But in order to receive you'll need to give first. And because lying is something vastly dangerous for you to do because of your situation, at some stage you might WANT to reveal stuff. Just because you feel like you can't bear it anymore. Then you will have to be cautious."

"You can't always tell me what to do!", I retorted angrily. Deep down I knew he wanted to protect me and keep me safe but my sense if independency made its presence felt in my heart. "Besides, it's time for me to go."

"Time? Since when does time matter here?"

"Since I say it does. I already told you that I want to sort things out in my life. I told you that I want to focus on Hogwarts. How can I do this, if I spend more time here, then in 'the real world'?"

"Anna, which time is it?"

"Mmmm. I don't know."

"Right. Because there is no time. What you wanted to say was: You made me uncomfortable. I want to leave to refocus."

"You made me uncomfortable. I want to leave to refocus."

With that the figure stood up, while I mirrored his movements. We hugged each other, he kissed my left cheek, turned and went out of the room. At first I just stood there. Then I noticed a tear running down my very cheek his lips just had brushed.

Then I went back the way I came until...

... I woke up.

Blinking, I still lay into my bed. Once I resigned the silencing spell I overheard the other girl's talk. It was like only five minutes or so had passed. Always when I return I felt very exhausted like my body had done a major workout. Thus I fell asleep even before I could silence my roommates again. After all, it has been a good start here in Hogwarts and I deserved my sweet sleep.

* * *

At times she was

strange and

dangerous

But mostly she was

sweet and scared

and harmless

(Unknown Author)


	5. Chapter 5 - The Bigger Picture

_Thank you for the feedback so far, it's awesome to see other people reading what I write. Thanks a lot and I'll appreciate your future criticism, too!_

* * *

 ** _Chapter 5_**

 **-The Bigger Picture-**

 _*I've slept and dreamt, life would be joy -_

 _I've woken up and saw, life was duty -_

 _I did what I had to do – and see, duty was joy._

 _Rabindranath Tagore*_

The next week started pretty usual and on Monday's morning at breakfast no one was expecting anything special. As everybody filed into the Great Hall and sat down at the respective tables, Dumbledore stood up and wanted the students to be quiet.

"Good morning! Today I've to speak with you about a very serious topic. Besides, there are some announcements to be said. Some of you might have heard it already. Sirius Black has escaped from Azkaban. The Ministry of Magic believes Black to be guilty for having killed innocent muggles along with his former friend Peter Pettigrew 13 years ago. Supposedly he was and is a follower of Lord Voldemort."

At speaking out his name, the big majority of the students and teachers gasped shocked. Harry, naturally, didn't. Julia didn't either, not really knowing what she was supposed to be afraid of speaking out a name.

The headmaster continued: "Furthermore, Black is the cousin of feared Death Eater Bellatrix Lestrange, who is also incarcerated in a cell in Azkaban."

While saying that, Neville flinched and looked uneasily down at his plate. The sorrow of having lost his parents to Lestrange heavily engraved into his features.

Ron silently uttered to Harry: "Yeah, and you know whose cousin he is too?"

Harry asked: "No, whose?"

Ron pointed over to Draco Malfoy at the Slytherin table: "To his mother, Narcissa Malfoy. See, all the bad people are connected to each other."

Hermione hushed them quiet, to hear what Dumbledore had to say: "The most concerning point is that Black was imprisoned for more then 10 years in the harshest magical prison in the whole United Kingdom and he managed to escape. No one knows how, which poses a certain threat to security officials because obviously there is a way out for the prisoners. Anyhow, because of these events I'm very glad that we managed to find a former Hogwart's student, who is an expert in the Defence against the Dark Arts as support for our staff."

Hearing this, Snape nearly lost his facade of a blank face. Of course, he already knew what Dumbledore was about to say. But the remark hurt him anyway.

"Thus, we are very happy to introduce Mr. Remus Lupin back at our school in the capacity of overseer of the security of the castle. Welcome Remus!"

With that, a very slender figure rose from a background seat everybody seemed to have had overseen. Lupin looked very pale and exhausted but also very friendly and authentic as he stepped next to the headmaster. He was dressed in adequate but seemingly worn-out robes, which might be better off replaced. Just as Dumbledore, with a huge friendly grin on his face, started to clap and nearly everyone joined in Lupin's face lit up and he seemed to be genuinely touched.

Snape on the other hand didn't clap. In fact, he looked like he'd to vomit...

Dumbledore motioned Lupin to speak and the new member of staff said a few words of thanks and that he was very joyous to work at his old school. Then he quickly sat down uneasily next to the Transfiguration teacher McGonagall and the new Potions teacher Jeffson. Lupin looked, like he hated public speaking and sitting next to one of his own former teachers seemed very strange to him.

On the point of Dumbledore to continue with his speech, Snape had regained his composure; his face being as unreadable as ever.

"To assist in the security of as all I want to encourage you to be very cautious. Please do not try to test the necessity of our rules, especially outside the castle. As you're all aware of, the Forbidden Forest has it's name because it is forbidden for students to go in there. Despite I don't want anyone to panic. Right now the ministry doesn't know what Black is planning. But because this was his old school and because of the events of the last year...", at that Ginny shifted unquietly on her seat, "he might try to get into the castle. So please follow the instructions given by the staff and your prefects. And now, enjoy your breakfast and have a nice week.", with a joviant smile Dumbledore sat down at the teacher's table next to Snape and engaged him in a conversation the DADA-teacher didn't know, if he liked it to have.

Just as the headmaster finished his speech a loud clatter of conversations from the students erupted. Harry, Ron and Hermione were in a deep talk, when the post came flying in.

At first Hermione got her issue of the "Daily Prophet" and she immediately put it flat on the table for the three to see. There was big picture of an unwashed crazy man silently screeming all over again. The headline said: "Sirius Black escaped. Mass murderer on the run." The article reignited their discussion. What could Black want to do, since he wasn't imprisoned anymore?

They were interrupted again by Errol, the Weasley's owl, who dropped a letter for Ron and accidently nearly drowned himself in a big pitcher of pumpkin juice, splattering orange drops on Ginny. Caused by this, Seamus and Dean burst out in laughter, which made Ginny to redden and to glare at the boys angrily.

"It's from Mum.", Ron stated the obvious.

"Open it.", Harry said, "What does she write?"

Ron read for the three of them aloud:

 _"Dear Ronald,_

 _Since Errol isn't the most reliable owl, I'm sure you've already heard the news: Sirius Black has escaped from Azkaban and is now free on the run. You know, who he is and the story behind his imprisonment. I want you to be very careful and cautious and to look out for your sister and especially for Harry. Black, if he really was a Death Eater, might want to harm Harry because of his history. Watch out for them and please text me regularly, how thing's are._

 _There is another thing I feel the need to share with you, though you'll have to promise me to keep calm and mature about it before reading further. Your Dad got some news from the ministry. He noticed Lucius Malfoy to be very often personally in the ministry to speak with different people, most of them very powerful. Although it's nothing new, that he meddles into our politics with his money and relationships, he seemed rather agitated, especially after the happenings in the Chamber of Secrets last year and increased his efforts in whatever he tries to do. Arthur suspects that nothing good will come out of it but we don't know what it is. This adds to my worries for the safety of you all, so please watch out._

 _Greet your brothers and your sister,_

 _I love you all with all of my heart,_

 _Mum"._

Ron looked at his friends with a strange look on his face. He was torn between being embarassed and honestly concerned about the news of Black's break out. A little bit of proud that his Mum thought so highly of him to be able to protect his friends might have been swinging into his looks as well. Then Harry said: "Well, it's nothing new that the Malfoys are a powerful family in the wizard community, even I know that. But I wonder what Professor Lupin will be doing around here. Dumbledore forgot to tell us that. And Ron,", Harry looked intently at his friend with a slight feature of apprehensiveness, "I really appreciate it that your Mum extends her worries for you over me, too, but isn't she slightly overreacting?"

He answered a little bit startled: "Ehm, yea I guess. Sorry mate, but it's Mum after all. She...".

"No,", Hermione interrupted a little bit too strictly, "Dumbledore didn't FORGET to tell us what Lupin does here – he plainly didn't want to. I guess he'll be doing some tasks set by the headmaster while making sure not everyone notices what exactly it is he does."

"I really don't know, if the whole thing is worth the fuss. Ok, it's incredible that someone managed to escape from the best protected prison there ist but being that long in it must have driven him mad.", Ron threw in, "And by the way, thanks for interrupting me."

Hermione repeated: "Oh come on Ron, let's focus here on the important stuff. Yes, Black is mad. Just look at the picture on the Prophet's front page.". While saying that, she pointed on the silently screaming figure next to the main article in the paper; the figure violently shaking his chains.

"Awesome. And I was so stupid to assume, that after last year we'll just have a quiet normal year of studying...", Harry tiredly added.

"Don't we think that every time a new term starts?", Hermione rhetorically asked feeling big sympathy for her friend.

The topic stayed with them for nearly the whole day because Ron wasn't the only one of the students getting a mail concerning Sirius Black. It seemed like the whole school muttered about the news.

* * *

 **POV Severus**

Luckily a familiar owl interrupted the boring conversation the headmaster was having with me. This was Germogen, one of Lucius Malfoy's business mail carriers from Malfoy Manor. Though Lucius and me wrote each other regularly from time to time, I knew him too good to assume getting a letter from him on this day wasn't completely at random. As I opened it, I quickly scanned the lines and made sure that I only read it properly once Dumbledore started an intense conversation with Hagrid about the latest news of this year's Flobber Worm offspring. Ridiculous.

The letter said:

" _Dear Severus,_

 _Concerning some news I've received over the last days, I would appreciate it, if you could make some time for me this evening to talk to you in private. Since Black escaped, there might be several other things to discuss as well._

 _If it suits you, I'll meet you in your office at 7 o'clock p.m. right after tea via the Floo Network. Don't bother writing a letter back with Germogen – if I don't receive one when he comes back, I'll know that you've got time._

 _Yours Sincerely,_

 _L.M."_

What could that be about? Though I was a little bit concerned, I quickly masked my face again. Wouldn't be too good for all those fools around me to see what was written here. Anyway, of course I'll meet him tonight and it's a good thing I don't have to storm off into the owlery to answer him, since Germogen already left for his well earned break. They would assume something would be bothering me and even if it is, they shouldn't know that. It's weakness to let emotions control you, and all those fools are falling for it. You can read the people around you – it's not hard because most of them are not even trying to conceil anything. It's a good thing for them the Dark Times had passed – how could they cope with that little self-control? But then, maybe things will change again. We will see, once the time is ripe.

After putting the letter away into my robes, I silently ate my porridge nodding politely to Nikolaj as he got up after finishing his breakfast. At first I was very angry at him and Dumbledore that it wasn't me to refill the lack Lockhart has left us with last year. But funnily, Jeffson and me came along quite good. He was a man of manners. He wouldn't brag about anything and keep his distance while being polite and open for a formal talk or a discussion about scientific questions. He was the kind of guy I could spent time with though, of course, it would need time to develop.

I finished my breakfast in a decent amount of time and went out of the Great Hall. After all, there was still teaching to be done. As I went past the Slytherin table I shortly locked eyes with Draco, after scanning the table for possible animosities between anyone of them. It was an old ritual for me because I believe in the ideals of Salazar Slytherin – the utmost was discipline. And if anyone of my students displayed an unappropriate behaviour at the meal table, for example fighting each other, it would make the whole house look bad. I, certainly, wasn't the kind of teacher to encourage such manners. Discipline was the thing, which distinguished us from the other, lesser houses. Anyway, anything was quiet thus I left with quick steps.

* * *

 **POV Draco**

Devastation, Hope, Despair, Love, Pain, Anxiousness, Self-Consciouscness, Loyalty, Happiness and Grief. Was it possible to feel all that and more at once? After I got myself involved with that girl my breakfast was kind of untasty after all. It wasn't bad, nothing horrible happened. But on the weekend we had a sit-in in our prefect's room and later, after it was quiet there, in our common room. We two were the last ones after all the others left to go to bed and we ended up next to each other on the couch in front of the fire. After a short time I took her into my arms and a brief time later we kissed each other. It was so strange – We've had a nice time but we both agreed upon leaving it to that. We just fooled around and were both content with that. Nobody wanted a relationship or anything else. So, as I reflected on the events later on that night in my bed I couldn't find anything bad about it. It was just a kiss and I didn't love her or anything. As I mentioned earlier, we felt contend about it to leave it that way. Maybe we would repeat it though, maybe not. Damn it.

Once I lifted my gaze up from my oat meal and locked eyes with Julia, I knew that she thought about the same thing. She smiled friendly and I repeated the gesture. I've never had that before, feeling physical innocent satisfaction without all those strange implications of "love" or whatever it is, all the idiots around me tried to chase. I knew from experience, that love cuts both ways – it could be incredibly awesome, maybe the best thing in your life and it could also destroy you. Thus it was good to have had that brief experience with the new girl in this uncomplicated way. The best thing was that nobody knew about it except we two. And I was intent on letting it stay that way.

My thoughts were disturbed once I saw one of father's owls approaching uncle Severus. Shortly afterwards, I received a letter from him, too. Because I knew that it wasn't safe to read it next to my fellows, I tucked it away immediately and after I finished my breakfast I went quickly out of the Great Hall and around a solemn corner in the corridors on the way to the dungeons.

Then I read:

" _My dear Draco,_

 _Are you alright? Your Mum sends her greetings and love to you. Be a good son and write her more often, she is always delighted to get some news from you. And so do I._

 _I've heard that there is a new student in your house. A girl joining after the first week of the term. I'm quite sure you know, who I speak about. Draco, I've got a task for you. As the heir of the Malfoy name, as my son, you are under my protection in our community. And after I die, you'll provide that protection for our family and step in my place. We've talked about the family's business more and more in the last time and I did this on purpose. I consider the time to be right to introduce you to our enterprise as a valuable member and my future heir. Of course, you already know about these things. But I repeated it to reinforce your sense of duty and our credo: The Malfoy family comes first in all things we do._

 _I got a task for you. A task, which outcome is yet unsure but I think it could be of the utmost value to our course in the near future. Befriend Julia Makharovna Karaganova. You don't have to do anything special just make sure you two have a steady relationship and she talks to you._

 _Do that for me, Draco._

 _Remember, your Mum is not the only one loving you._

 _Your father._

 _PS: This letter will self-ignite, after you read it."_

What kind of coincidence was that? Father wants me to have her talk to me, I think kissing kind of includes that, doesn't it?

After the letter burned itself, I made sure nobody saw me and headed to the dungeons. Now I was even more unsure to know how I should feel about Julia's and mine small encounter on the weekend.

* * *

 **POV Severus**

Punctual at 7 o'clock in the evening Lucius stepped out the fireplace in my office, green flames licking at his costly black robes, his walking cone shining brightly from the polish it surely had received from one of the Malfoy's house elves. Lucius' blonde hair was neatly trimmed and bound back in a ponytail, which was unusual for him to wear I noticed.

Before he arrived I had rearranged the things in my office and ordered some strong black tea as I knew my friend liked it the most. After all, a good setting did matter in most of cases. Furthermore I put on nice slow classical music though I don't remember anymore what it was exactly. Maybe Rakhmaninov or Chaykovsky, something like that.

"Good evening Severus. It's a pleasure to see you. Thank you, that you could make time for me tonight.", my guest said as he stepped into the room gracefully.

"Good evening. Don't you worry, I noticed the tone in your letter and I'm sure I won't be disappointed to have made time for tonight. Please, take a seat and feel free to have a cup of tea.", I said mentioning for him to sit down at the small tea table in a corner of my room and pouring out two cups of the strong black-red-ish liquid.

"Thank you. First of all, how is my son doing?", he asked after he said down, taking one of the cups into his left hand. The heavy silver Malfoy-seal-ring on his left ring finger shining in the light.

"As always, exceptionally good. You can be sure that your son, in my opinion, pays respect to the name he is wearing. He is studying hard, though to really excel to his full potential, harder work is still necessary. His demaenour is flawless and he pays enough attention to his outward appearance. To conclude, he is on the right path to be able to make use of his talents.

"It's a delight, to hear that, especially from you since your opinion is what it is not some stupid brabbling about things most people know nothing of. I appreciate it, and will make sure he increases his efforts."

"Lucius, why are you here? Since your letter I'm wondering why you requested to speak to me in private."

"Are the necessary procurements arranged?"

"As always, my room is safe from eavesdropping."

"Right, I'm sure it is. No offence intended."

"No offence taken. What is it?"

"There are two topics, I'm hear to discuss with you. Firstly, I hope to get some information from you about Julia Karaganova, your new student. Because I've got some news for you about her."

"Then, please be so kind, to start first.", I said, taking a big sip from the excellent tea. The kitchen's house elf working for me really does an awesome job. Wouldn't change him for good.

Lucius took a deep breath and continued: "The Dark Lord, as you know, is not dead."

I nodded and he continued: "Though he is right now not in a physical state of being, and it's certainly not safe to discuss that here, he survived the accounter with Potter. For once, the old fool Dumbledore is right in one thing. When the Dark Lord returns, he will be very grateful to his loyal followers. Miss Karaganova might have some secrets, which to reveal could turn out very useful."

"I'm listening. Please continue."

"Last full moon I got instructions to gather information about her and to see, whether she could be either used for our purposes or made to be participating in our business on her own free will."

"Why would she be useful? I only know, that Dumbledore was very secretive about his acceptance of her in this school. There is not much information about her here."

"That, I'm not quite sure of right now. But I want to urge you to point her into the right direction now and then, where it might be necessary. The Malfoy family will be very greatful for that."

Though a hundred questions hunted my mind, I masked my face as good as I could, sensing the power and danger emanating from this man. For this moment, I decided to let him tell his tale and let things be how they are.

Thus I said: "Ok, I'll see what I can do. What is the second errand of your visit?"

"The second errand, of course, is Sirius Black. What do you think he will do?"

"Asking me about Black is weird, Lucius, because I harbour a hate on this man it's hardly matchable. I think he will run. Run as long as he can and then he'll get himself killed, doing something stupid, as he only listens to his feelings and his heart, never to his reason and brain."

"I guessed you would say that. Please keep your ears open how his doings are received here in Hogwarts. Still, big events are going to evolve.", with that he got up and moved to the fireplace, abruptly ending our conversation.

Then he continued: "Thank you Severus, for having time for me. I'll leave now, since I robbed you enough of your evening already."

"Don't you worry, it was a pleasure. Concerning Black we'll have to see. We'll speak Lucius. Be well."

"So do you.". He turned, stepped into the fireplace and disappeared in green flames.

"Big things to evolve... I've had enough of this already.", I thought to myself as I sat down on my desk and started working again. Surely, later on I could think everything through thoroughly. Things were developing indeed.

* * *

In the meantime, Dumbledore walked around his office restlessly. Now and then he stopped to scratch Fawkes beneath his beak. A feeling of bad things going to happen soon made him sick to his stomach. After a while, he took a coat and disapparated out into the Hogwarts grounds to go for a walk to clear his mind. Apparating inside the grounds was definitely a privilege the headmaster enjoyed.

As the blackness of the night stretched itself over the sunset, he tried to clear his mind. But he couldn't – his mind was occupied to decipher the signs – What does Voldemort do? How could he finally be defeated? And what did Lucius Malfoy want inside his castle?


	6. Chapter 6 - A Flash of Regret

_Here we go!_

* * *

 _Chapter 6_

 **\- A Flash of Regret-**

 _*She was the sun shining upon  
The tomb of your hopes and dreams so frail  
He was the moon painting you  
With its glow so vulnerable and pale._

 _Him-Funeral of Hearts*_

* * *

The next weekend was a very promising one as the first Quidditch match of the term was set to take place. Naturally, Harry, Ron and nearly all other students were totally into it and looking forward to the game on Sunday morning. Hermione looked forward to the game as well but for other reasons. Because of her immense timetable she hoped to catch a few quiet hours in the castle's library without any distractions – everyone would be outside, watching the game Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff. Of course, she wished Harry, Fred, George, Angelina and all the others the best and a victory, but someone needed to set priorities. And for Hermione, the priorities were clear, especially in these war-forboding-times. After all, education was more important than sports. At least for her.

On Sunday morning's breakfast table the dominating topic was evidently Quidditch. Especially Ron astounded her with his impressive analysis of the pros and cons of the two teams. Who would've known, that there was so much to think about in such a simple game? It was astounding. If just he could concentrate with half the intensity of his affection with Quidditch on his studies, he would be by far a top student.

Hermione listened to all their agitated chats and now and then chimed in with polite sentences. As breakfast was nearly at an end, Ron asked her:

"Are you going with me to the game? You didn't say so."

She answered: "Eh, No, I don't. That's why I didn't say anything.

"Why not?", Harry asked.

"Don't get me wrong. I wish you all the best and a victory but I definitely need to catch up with homework and my studies. So I'll be in the library reading and writing."

"Ahhh, c'mon 'Mione. You can't be serious?!", Ron spat out.

"Don't be annoyed. I just got to study!"

"Mhhh. Ok, but we'll eat tea together tonight, right?", Harry conceded.

"Yeah, sure!"

With that, the matter was settled. The rest of the breakfast's talk returned to Quidditch and after all, the boys were so excited about the game that Ron wasn't too angry. Though Hermione awkwardly enjoyed it a little bit that he was having a hard time with her not going with them. What really bothered her though, was Harry from time to time. Sometimes he would put his palm flat on his forehead as like he tried to keep his head from bursting. Hermione knew, how devastating headaches could be. But she even got more suspicious when she noticed Harry doing it only in brief moments, in which the other's attention wouldn't be on him. He tried to hide it. Therefore Hermione made a mental note to herself, that she had to press on this matter when they all calmed down after the game.

* * *

 **POV Hermione**

As soon as I got up from the breakfast table in the direction of the dorm to get my things for study, my mind was on my homework. The time-turner was an incredibly useful tool with which McGonagall really made it possible for me, to study an immense amount of subjects and topics. But it also meant a big responsibility because I'd to work very thoroughly on every one of them to prove the professor right with her trust in me. So I was highly motivated to make the utmost out of this chance. Who knew, maybe if I proved myself, I could keep it for the next term as well?

Thus I went to the Gryffindor common room and up the stairs to the girl's dormitory, got my things and went on my way to the library. Both funnily and naturally, the castle seemed kind of deserted: Nearly everyone was on his or her way to the Quidditch pitch – perfect, for a day of concentrated studies.

In an instant I felt the uncommon urge to try another way to the library. Because I've learned the map of Hogwarts by heart, it wasn't difficult for me to find one. Soon I went down a lonesome corridor. At a crossing I heard Professor Dumbledore's voice, unusually agitated. As I slowly came near to the crossing I recognized the person being in conversation with the headmaster as Professor Lupin. Was he a professor though? He wasn't exactly a teacher but anyway, I got to focus on the important things here.

I made sure I moved very quietly and hid behind an old knight's armour, standing on the left side of the corridor near the crossing. From this point I was able to eavesdrop on the conversation:

"NEVER!", Dumbledore hushed angrily, "I'll never allow it. And I wouldn't have expected a proposition like this from you, Remus."

"Professor Dumbledore, with all respect, sir, but Sirius Black is a threat to this school. Besides, if I'm allowed to add, you hired me to secure to this place.", Lupin answered.

"Yes, I hired you to secure Hogwarts and not to place Dementors on the school grounds. What would happen, if accidently they would feed on a student? Or on an unprepared teacher? In addition to that, I don't trust these creatures."

"But headmaster, this isn't about trust. It's about the security of all those children you are obliged to care for. As it is the ministry, which controls the Dementors, there won't be any unwanted incidences."

"Remus, I don't care if they pledge allegiance to whomever they do that these days. These creatures aren't made for the light world. Their world consists of the feeding on sorrow and despair and they don't care about us. They only allow the ministry to partly control them because it lets them feed on all those poor soules captive in Azkaban."

"Professor Dumbledore, again, with all respect, those imprisoned in Azkaban aren't exactly poor souls. They all have committed the most horrible crimes in our society."

"My answer is NO and you will respect that.", Dumbledore said with authority.

Lupin, sensing his defeat at least for the moment, inclined his head and said: "Alright. I'll work on an alternative."

"I'm sure you will. Good day, Remus.", with that Dumbledore went away. Luckily he didn't took the way I came.

But soon after I heard Professor Lupin moving towards me. Thus before he could see me behind the armour, I stepped into the open and when we saw each other I greeted him. He looked a little bit startled but returned a polite greeting and hurried past me away.

Wow, that was something. I've read about Dementors and if they were really discussing them as security guards for Hogwarts, Black must've been really dangerous. So I made another mental note to inform Harry and Ron about that tonight and continued my way to the library.

As ususal I nodded to Madam Pince as I went inside and moved to my usual spot. No way, again it was Julia sitting there already...

* * *

 **POV Julia**

... then I looked up and saw Hermione moving towards me. I instinctively smiled at her. As she saw me, she looked rather surprised but then returned my smile. That was really funny because I hoped I would see her here but didn't make any arrangements for that to happen.

This morning Draco, and anyone else, tried to convince me to come over to the Quidditch field to see the first game of this term's season. But I really wanted to use the day for thinking and studying. I already knew that it was very comfortable to sit next to Hermione doing exactly that. And, by the way, she was able to sit next to me in silent companionship. This I enjoyed very much.

Hermione muttered a greeting and I responded friendly. Then she sat down next to me and we started studying quietly and at ease with each other.

 _Suddenly it hurts again – so much I can barely keep standing on my feet. The pain shoots through my body; I feel like a prisoner; all hope seems far far away. Why can't I control it? I know what it is; I've felt it before many times. The devastation, hatred, hopelessness, force and anger. It wipes away anything my mind holds onto to stay sane. It started like a whisper from another place, A place no one might understand. Well, of course there are some, who do. But who wants to talk with them?_

 _Then the feeling gains force like a thunderstorm and destroys all the joy in you and leaves just aggression... A flash of burning red fire appears infront of my eyes. A hateful heatsickening cry hits my ears..._

 _It has been a long time, since the ghosts from another time made their presence senseable again. All the fear, pain and despair I've shut away in my mind is pulled to my conscience again – with brute force. From one moment to another my mood swings from "not too bad" to "the sun will never shine again". Not that I would care about the sun, but you sure do get the meaning._

 _At first it surprises and scares me, then again I feel used to it; like the times I were... used to it. There were times when I even felt kind of comfortable in it. A madness building up slowly and once unleashed washing away anything positive you've tried to become. A demon, you would've wanted to kill long before, but it survived and outweighed you, fuelling your anger with a raging fire like a lightning bolt on a heap of dried grass._

 _Then, suddenly, blankness. The pain only a faint whisper; fading away as quickly as it overcame you. You still know it is there, it was there, it will be there. But somehow, it creeps back to the black hole in your being you've condemned it to. A ride from paradies to hell and back to normal in merely a second – Nobody will understand you, if you would ever want to tell someone about it. That's for sure._

"Hey! Whats wrong with you?", Hermione said concerned and obviously a little too loud as Mrs. Pince hushed her quiet.

After a brief moment I answered: "What? Nothing."

"I don't believe you. You looked in horror", she muttered now very quietly.

I thought to myself: "You've no idea what kind of horror, darling...", and answered: "No, it's alright. But thanks for your concern."

Hermione looked at me in a way I was very certain she didn't believe me. Despite that, she just shot me another look and concentrated on her work again. How grateful have I been for her to do exactly that in that moment. I could've explained nothing to her, even if I would've known how to put it into words.

Sometimes, I hated myself being this torn. And then, I thought about how stupid I were to think that way: Nobody had my talents, nor my personality, nor my abilites. I could do so much good, if I would just be able to fix my mind. But how do you do THAT?

It took me some time after that to refocus on my studies. To mask my face was way easier. Thus a blank expression fell back onto my face as soon as Hermione started to read again.

* * *

 **POV Hermione**

Well, hasn't that been strange? What on earth could've crept past Julia's mind to let her look like that for a split second? Obviously she didn't want to talk about it, so I didn't press the matter. We worked quietly on for hours. After a short lunch break, which again we spent wandering one round around the Lake outside, we continued studying. As tea was due, around 6 o'clock in the evening, we agreed upon leaving the books be, put our stuff into our bags and went together to the Great Hall. As we crossed Mrs. Pince I muttered an apology to her and after a short moment of hesitating she looked as friendly as ever.

It was a very good day and I was eager to get to know how the Gryffindor team did in the game. As we went down the usual way towards the Great Hall, we were stopped by two figures: Blaise and Malfoy – Awesome.

"Well, well, well, look at that Draco. Granger and Julia together again. I told you, they have a thing for each other!", Blaise hissed spitefully.

A thing for each other? What was this brat talking about?

"Oh, hey Draco.", Julia said with a slight smile on her face, which irritated me somehow, "And Blaise, what is it with you? Do YOU want to study the whole day in the library with me?"

"Whow, Merlin prevent", he answered mockingly an equal smile on his face.

"See, so why wouldn't I study with Hermione, since she makes me feel quite comfortable.", Julia said.

Did she really just say that? I couldn't but notice a warm sensation in me at the kindness of her words. Draco on the other hand looked a little bit angry. Thus he said: "Come on, Blaise. Let's get something to eat. It's hard enough to stand these Gryffindors but since their victory today, I'm not wanting to get seriously pissed about it even before I've had something in my stomach."

"So Gryffindor won?", I asked anxiously. Suddenly I didn't care anymore, that it was Malfoy I talked to.

"Obviously. Tell me Granger, how is it, that you're so smart and miss that, so you've to get to know it from me?"

As Blaise chuckled and the boys going away towards the Great Hall, I asked myself the same question. After a small moment, Julia tucked on my arm: "C'mon. Let's go, I'm starving!"

And with that we slowly followed the two Slytherins.


	7. Chapter 7 - Talkisms

_By the way, differing to the book, the students didn't get to know Dementors on the Hogwarts Express – in this story they'll get to know them during the term. This chapter is very close on the happenings in the book but a careful reader will see the important changes._

* * *

Chapter 7

 **-Talkisms-**

 _*There are things that cannot be undone._

 _There are mistakes that will never be forgiven._

 _Sometimes at night, I pray to wake a different person in a different place.*_

 _Laura Jane Grace_

* * *

As Julia and Hermione entered the Great Hall on Sunday evening for dinner together following the two Slytherins Blaise and Draco Ron and Harry exchanged strange looks. But when Hermione approached the Gryffindor table the team's victory in the term's first Quidditch match over Hufflepuff took over everybody's interest. Because all were so absorbed into the just passed game and glad that the own team had won, Hermione calmed her urge to talk to Harry and Ron in private about the discussion she'd had eavesdropped of Dumbledore and Lupin and, of course, Harry's strange headaches. Bad to her nerves she was just able to start that private talk after Monday morning's breakfast in the Gryffindor Common Room – where they were supposed to get their books, feathers and other things they needed for the upcoming lessons. At breakfast Dumbledore announced big news: The first Hogsmeade trip was due on the weekend. It dropped Harry's mood essentially, since he wasn't able to procure the signature of either his aunt or his uncle to be able to go with his friends. Hermione and Ron tried to cheer him up and thus it was just in the common room, where Hermione found a few minutes in relative privacy to talk to her friends.

* * *

 **POV Hermione**

"I'm so glad you won, and especially you didn't get hurt in the process of it.", I said to the two boys as we snatched 5 minutes in our favourite corner in the common room infront of the fireplace. It's funny, nearly everytime we three got together to talk it seemed to be that place where we chose to speak. Because everyone was in a relative hurry, we could speak relatively freely. Thus I continued towards Harry: "How is your head doing? Did you get any more of those strange headaches you're trying to overact?"

"Hermione! Don't be that overprotective. Yes, I DO get headaches from time to time. But I guess that's just normal and I'm NOT overacting anything.", he answered rather angrily.

"No, Dude. Mione's right! I've seen it, too, that strange look on your face when you get them.", Ron joined me, suddenly eager to get to know more on the subject as well.

"Now you start, too? Alright. They do hurt. And I don't know what triggers them. It's like a flash of pain starting in my scar and spreading throughout my head and then through my whole body. Normally it disappeares as soon as it appears – Everything seems to be over in seconds. But they hurt like hell."

"Have you been to Madam Pomfrey with this?", I asked him. In my mind I made a quick connection between the symptoms Harry described and the look on Julia's face in the library. Did they have similar "headaches"? Could something like this happen in the magical world? Collective headaches? Linked symptoms of the same disease?

"No, seriously, I've seen her so many times already I'm not that eager to see her again. Besides I can cope with it. It's annoying but not too bad. I can't stand the hospital wing anymore.", Harry said.

"Harry I understand, that you don't want to go to the hospital but look, yesterday I've been in the library with Julia..."

"... Yeaaaa, you kind of made a friend there, didn't you?", Ron interrupted me teasingly. Whenever he spoke to me like that I couldn't really make out if he was just mocking me or really angry about something that stupid, no one else could be worried about.

"Eh, what?", I responded thus rather perplexed.

"Yeah, Hermione, Ron's right. We saw you yesterday coming into the Great Hall together. You've seen her quite a few times since she started in Hogwarts, haven't you?", Harry chimed in rather happy to avert the attention of the conversation away from his headaches. Anyway, who could blame him? It must've sucked so hard to always get this much of attention from everyone about everything you do. I certainly didn't envy that.

"Eh, yes, we do get along quite well. So maybe we'll become friends. But what I wanted to tell you is...", I answered just to get interrupted again... and here I got annoyed again. Yesterday it was Blaise and Malfoy and now my best friends. Dammit! Can't you just hang out with someone without the whole school mocking you about it? It was such a gossip place, just ridiculous!

"But she is from Slytherin!", Ron threw in with a spiteful look on his otherwise kind of adorable face. Did I really just think that?

"I know that and it doesn't matter for me. We just come along quite well and she isn't like the other Slytherins; like Malfoy for example. We met each other the other day in the library and noticed that we feel very comfortable around each other, so we studied together."

"You do know, that Malfoy and her are getting along 'quite well', too?", Ron asked with heaps of irony in it. It annoyed me even more though his tone got my attention. What did he mean by 'quite well'?

"Well, to be honest, I didn't notice that and I mean she is just here for a couple of weeks. How should I properly know her? Just for now, it's alright and I enjoy her company.", I retorted. That information indeed made me a little bit unsure. But to be honest, I didn't really know Malfoy, too. I mean, I've known him for 2 years in a confrontative context as rivals in school but who knows, maybe he behaved differently to the ones he didn't perceive as a threat.

"Don't worry 'Mione. We're just fooling around.", Harry added seriously unconvincingly.

Sadly, Ron shot: "No we don't! I mean they're Slytherins after all!". I saw a sharp glance from Harry towards Ron, after which the later turned his view to the floor and finally stopped the issue. Though I felt a pinch of anger inside me, I remembered what I wanted to talk about in the first place. Obviously Harry and Ron had quite a talk about the good and evil of Slytherins themselves.

"Whatever. So I was in the library with her and suddenly she had that strange look on her face. Like something hurting her in an instant so harshly it remembered me of you. Do you think there could be a connection?"

"I don't know?!", both answered in unison – something I was just used to from Fred and George. But they use 'we' instead of 'I'. Interesting.

"Well, and there was something else I need to tell you...". With that I recollected to them the incident with Professor Dumbledore and Professor Lupin. Of course, I'd to explain to them what dementors were. After I did they grasped the importance of the conversation and I felt a pang of regret that I didn't have found the time to talk to them earlier.

Ron started: "That's frightening. Remember my Mum texting me about Dad's suspicions concerning Malfoy's Dad and Sirius Black? If they want Dumbledore to station friggin dementors here, things must be really bad."

"You said, Dumbledore didn't want these creatures here, right?", Harry asked me.

"Right. He even got quite angry with Professor Lupin. I've never seen him really angry like that before. I mean outgoing angry."

"A point more.", Ron added, "Anyway we have to go to Divination. Otherwise we'll be late."

"Since when are you interested in getting to classes on time and since when are we interested to get to Divination at all?", I retorted hardly being able to refrain from my hatred towards that subject to reach the surface to show itself.

"Come on 'Mione. I'm sure reading in the leftovers of tea in a strange looking cup has also some potential to be seriously funny.", Harry moderately tried to get me on track. Of course, I would follow them to class and make sure for us to be on time.

Man, I hated Divination. Furthermore Harry had no idea how "funny" this lesson would be.

As we reached Professor Trelawney's tower class room I felt immediately dizzy. The room was loaded with heaps of incense she must've burned in the last hours. As usual, the curtains were drawn shut and the only source of light we're the lit candles scattled around the room. We sat down and I took a place together with Harry and Ron with the intention of not losing my nerves today. Everything went alright. We continued with our tea-leaf-reading-work and I even caught myself having fun trying to figure out what the shapes in our tea pots could look like. And then – again – it happened. As the class was nearly over, Professor Trelawney spoke up in a dramatically high-pitched voice, pointed to Harry and said loudly: "My dear boy! You're in danger, right now! Evil forces found another way to gain strength and will strive... to... kill...you...".

I snapped. I couldn't stand this anymore. What was she trying to achieve by saying something ridiculous like that? Come on, "evil forces" have tried to kill Harry during his whole life.

"Mrs. Trelawney,", I said, "with all respect, it's not right to say something like that in a normal class!"

"Miss Granger, I fear you don't have the... ability... to broaden your focus... in these... kind of matters. Mr. Potter needs to face the inevitable... ."

"But Harry has faced all the evil there can be in the last two years here in Hogwarts and during all of his life! You're supposed to teach him divination here, not to make predictions ANYONE can do.", I retorted angrily. As I did so, I felt every pair of eyes of the class on me. Some couldn't believe that it was actually me speaking to a teacher like that. Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil stared hazardly at me – since I dared to criticize the teacher of her favourite subject. I couldn't have cared less.

Mrs Trelawney continued towards Harry kind of pretending that she didn't hear me: "My dear boy, there is something new... something, which they didn't have last time... something, you won't expect...something new..."

That was it. "Seriously. Spare me THAT bullshit!". With that, I grabbed my stuff, threw it into my bag and ran out of the classroom to the ladder leading downwards. My heart was racing. What a farce divination was. And what a farce this teacher was...

* * *

After Hermione left, Trelawney stopped her "predictions" and continued like nothing happened. Though everyone stared at Harry in a very confused and disturbed way, the class continued, too. Harry, wasn't really bothered by Trelawney's speech. It was more the attention, again, from everybody which annoyed him most.

After a short while Ron asked dazedly Harry: "Mate, was it Hermione, who just did that?"


	8. Chapter 8 - Some Place Happiness to Find

_It's really cool, that you stick to my story so far;). To prohibit confusion, Julia names people by their first names whenever possible. Therefore she calls Crabbe Vincent and Goyle Gregory. Just for all of you, who are to lazy to look it up. And all the others, who knew: Don't feel misjudged; I at least had to look the names up^^._

* * *

 _Chapter 8_

 **-Some Place Happiness to Find-**

 _*Again – I hear your voice_

 _Again – I rejoice_

 _Again – I fail to seize_

 _Again – I feel the freeze_

 _Again, Again, Again – pain's the choice*_

* * *

 **POV Julia**

A few days into the week Draco and me sat next to each other talking about random stuff in the Slytherin common room in the dungeons of the castle. So far, things have turned out really good for me in this school; far better than I expected beforehand. Though I still needed to get used to the English school house system, I figured out pretty soon, who I wanted to spent time with and with whom I wouldn't want. Funnily enough, I soon recognized that the fuss over the different houses of Hogwarts was, in my opinion, bullocks. It was like anywhere in the world: There were people, who you could get along with fairly easy and people you couldn't stand for different reasons. In addition to that I guess it was kind of natural that you stick to the people you feel comfortable with and avoid the others. This house system somewhat reinforced this division of people. Thus I wasn't sure, if I really approved of it. Of course, it had advantages as well and no one asked for my educated guess. For example being put into a fixed group creates a feeling of belonging together. Besides, the system of putting the students into different houses by their characteristics was indeed intriguing. Though I noticed feeling at ease especially with Hermione, that Gryffindor girl, I surely enjoy being surrounded by my new Slytherin mates as well. Like it or not, it's just cool to not being asked that many questions about your past, although nearly everyone (maybe except for Gregory and Vincent) proved to be highly intelligent and observing. You never needed to tell someone the same point over and over again. They all listened very carefully to what anyone said. Fair enough, some used their skills to be mean to others. But didn't that do the Gryffindors as well? Just think about Fred and George or Harry and Ron on Hermione.

Hermione...

Interesting, of all the people I got to know so far, she was the only one I felt wanting spending more and more time with. Yes, I'd the short encounter with Draco – and to be honest, the kissing part was just amazing – but yet I didn't really care about him that much. Or to say it in a different way, that much I should if I would be into him. He was a good fellow and I enjoyed being around him but sometimes he was annoying. I didn't lack a certain feeling that he somehow wanted to spend more and more time with me. Hopefully, he wasn't trying to creep on me – that wouldn't be good for our friendship at all. Friendship? To be honest, I didn't even know really much about him, nor did I feel any sensual connection to him. So, to be correct, maybe it WILL develop into a friendship.

Anyway, Draco actually had been pretty kind to me ever since he got to know me. So I was open for what was ready to lie ahead. After all, I chose to go here to get new experiences.

"What are you thinking about?", Draco asked while studying my face. By thinking the above mentioned I must've let my face slip at some stage. I normally didn't let this happen.

"Oh, just that my first days here were pretty cool. I didn't have any problems so far and and found my place. So I'm really happy about that.", I answered honestly.

"Yes, that's right.", Draco said while he looked somewhat tense. Then he continued: "Look, if you remember what that old fool Dumbledore told us on Monday you are aware that this weekend the first Hogsmeade visit is due for us..."

"Why are you always saying stuff like that over Dumbledore? Yet I can't figure out what it is, which annoys you about him!", I inquireingly interrupted him.

"Ah, Dumbledore, it's kind of a long story. But you'll see he acts according to his own plots and isn't interested in what other people think or want. He manipulates people to his own ends, like pawns in a chess game.", Draco retorted rather set-back.

Stubbornly I said then: "So far I've had quite the opposite impression."

"You definitely will notice it, as you'll spend more time here. For now, just believe me."

Oh, wasn't that interesting? Draco asked me to believe him... If he would know, who else in the past has said that to me over and over again... Sadly, I learned the hard way to rather QUESTION what anybody says...

Defiantly to my own thoughts I heard myself answering: "If you say so.". Obviously my true thoughts reflected upon my face – damn, that was the second time today I let my face slip – and Draco switched his attitude towards a senseable unease.

"Look, what I actually wanted to ask you is, if you want to go with me to Hogsmeade this weekend.", Draco said while looking me into the eyes. Immediately I noticed the similarity in his view from that brief moment before we kissed some time ago. He shouldn't be that nervous about me asking that. Why wouldn't I want to go with him?

So I returned shortly: "Of course!". Hearing that, Draco relaxed instantly. I continued: "It's cool that you ask me because I've no idea how things work around here and what to expect in that town and what there can be seen. Because of that I'm really glad you asked!"

"We will have a good time! And don't worry, I'll explain and show you anything worth of noticing.", Draco responded happily.

Funnily I reckoned that he hasn't been able to go to Hogsmeade with the school before, either, because they just started those trips in third grade. Anyway, Draco probably has been there with his family. He always seemed to know the important things in England's Wizarding Community.

After that we chatted around for quite some time. Draco behaved himself a little bit awkward and I sincerely hoped that he wouldn't fall in love with me or something because I definitely couldn't respond to that and just started to feel at ease with him as a pal. Anyhow, I guess I shouldn't have kissed him then... Now THAT was inconsequent on my behalf. But being consequent and playing around is nothing exclusive. And either one of the two can be done while the other is being fooled around with at the same time. I guess it's a feat I enjoyed doing a lot during that time.

* * *

Later on that day, I went outside for a run on the grounds. As usual doing physical exercises helped me a lot to relieve my internal struggles. Struggles I've had since I was a young charming being, growing up in an environment I then envisioned as loving and caring. There was a time I remembered in which I was easy-going, happy and open to the world beyond limits. Then, this world left me with anger, desperation and fear. It was this sort-of depression about what has been done to me and what I've done that let me to the decision to change the setting – and restart something somewhat new in England. Besides, in that trance-like state you feel yourself getting into while running, all that negative feelings became distant and once again bareable. Like a refreshening drug to calm my always working mind.

So after changing and getting out of the castle I headed down my normal route along the border of the Forbidden Forest. Once I felt that familiar feeling of peace taking over inside me, I ran faster and faster. Suddenly, I stumbled across a clearing in the woods and I wondered how it would be inside. Though it was forbidden, I couldn't have cared less. After all the only thing, which divides a forest from open ground is the darkness its tress and plants grant to anyone and anything wanting to hide. How could you be afraid of the darkness, if you've been travelling along it for so long like I've been doing? So long that for some time in your past you've even adopted to the shadowy creatures' hatred towards the light and stayed into the darkness, even if you could've been gone long ago?

That being said, I turned into the woods along the clearing without a second thought. Although I stepped through a clearing I felt an immediate chill taking over. A few minutes into the Forest I got surprised by a mediocre space being marvellously beautiful. The sun had decended its daily way from east to west and barely touched the horizon, which coloured the light into an amicable shade of red. The space consisted of a nearly circle-like meadow with a single tree on the inside. It was a huge oak with broad branches and a pair of ravens sitting high on top of it, viewing me cautiously. Immediately I felt at peace – Strange, something I barely feel at all. Then, I noticed an even bigger surprise.

Guess, who was sitting beneath that tree? Of all people, it was Hermione, resting a brown leather-bound book on her legs, arms crossed.

"Hi! What are you doing here?", she asked me with a pleasant smile on her face. Her beautiful hair was embracing her face in a way, which made here really adorable.

"Just went out for a run.", I mumbled a little bit exhausted.

"Yeah, I see that. But you do realize that you aren't supposed to be in the forest, right?", She inquired in a rather teacher-like way.

Given her obvious mistake I laughed. It felt good to be laughing again... Soon Hermione joined me and offered me to sit next to her. Though I actually wanted to get done with my training I sat down next to her. We started talking and at some stage Hermione said rather quietly with a concerning grimace on her face:

"You know, I'm really glad that you came to Hogwarts. Because I really enjoy it to spent time with you."

As she said that I didn't know what to answer because I felt her tensing up to some extent. Instead of an answer I took hold of her hand with my own. We looked at each other and I saw an honest warm smile on her face, which made me absolutely happy. Then we both looked at the sky and talked for quite some time until it got dark.

It was perfect – A perfect thing happened at the perfect time at a perfect place.

The time drew on and we decided we had to go back to the castle in order to avoid trouble. As we ran up the stairs to the entrance of the castle everything seemed quiet so we didn't need to fear a repercussions.

Tonight, I was sure, I would have a lot to think about. Despite that I was totally sure about one thing: I've had a wonderful day.

* * *

The headmaster smiled, as he saw Hermione and Julia running towards the entrance doors out from his office window. It seemed that the new girl fitted herself into the school quite easily. A good thing in these troubled times. With one last look down on the seemingly happy children he braced himself, turned around towards his office where Snape, Lupin and McGonagall were sitting infront of his desk with concerned looks on their faces and went towards them.

He announced to his small assembly: "It's good, that you all had the time to come to this meeting. We got work to do..."


	9. Chapter 9 - Times Turn Towards War

_Don't forget to review, please!_

* * *

 _Chapter 9_

 **-Times Turn Towards War-**

 _*_ _Just, this once, listen to the words, I say  
If you want, on will i'm there  
Until the end of time _

_\- In Flames (Rusted Nail)*_

* * *

Everybody of the small assembly in Dumbledore's office listened intensely on what the headmaster had to say. Professor Snape, as usual in awe at the presence of Professor Lupin, showed a blank face, concealing his thoughts very well. The Transfiguration teacher Professor McGonagall looked very concerned and her sincere interest in the well-being of the school overtook her personal feelings towards Professor Snape and Lupin. For her the head of Slytherin seemed ever more arrogant and annoying after he got his job as teacher for Defence Against the Dark Arts. Remus Lupin, once being an adept student of her, usually was way nicer to get along with. Nevertheless he somehow seemed changed. As it was foreseeable for her that Lupin being a werewolf and in need of the wolfsbane potion so perfectly administered by Professor Snape the old rivalry between the two nearly immediately broke out again. For the time being the headmaster made sure that Snape brewed the potion as often as needed and on time as needed. But from the looks of it Snape would rather poison his old adversary than to help him. Although Minerva remembered Lupin to be an honest, open, quiet and reliable person, since he came back to Hogwarts and was employed as Professor in charge of Hogwarts' security administration she couldn't help the feeling that something was not as it should be. She calmed herself with the thought that being a werewolf and thus being rejected by most of society definitely has to change a person; especially one as sensitive as Lupin has been. Sometimes though she couldn't help this feeling. This meeting was one of those occasions.

On the other hand in Professor Snape's head quite different thoughts emerged. For once he wondered, whether Lucius Malfoy's short visit in his office disturbed the headmaster and if so, if he somehow got to know what has been spoken. Of course, he had made sure to protect their conversation from eavesdropping and though not being bloatant about it, Snape knew that he could make a room safe. But Dumbledore was indeed an exceptional wizard with exceptional skills and somehow he always seemed to know what was going on in the castle. Despite all of this, he still had to make sense out of the conversation he'd have with Draco's father. It hasn't been exactly "news" that Voldemort was still alive and acting. And neither was it that Lucius was in his inner circle of supporters. Then what could it be that Ms. Karaganova was able to provide in order to catch the interest of the Dark Lord himself? Naturally, as he was a very observant person, he kept out an eye for the new student. For once, it was very true that she was a very very good student in his subject. From what he could gather of other sources she did amazingly well in all her other subjects as well. Though it were feats Snape liked in a person, being disciplined and intelligent was not that rare in this school. It was his believe that through discipline and intelligence one could lay the foundation of studying and growing to one's best potential and THEN a few gifted could be extraordinary. However comparing Ms. Karaganova with Draco Malfoy or the for him ever so annoying Hermione Granger, concerning school the newcomer wasn't breaking the ranks. Yet, what startled him was that all his research on her background was blocked very soon. He could get nearly no concrete information about the new pupil from her time before Hogwarts. If the headmaster himself knew more about it, which Snape wouldn't doubt, he kept shut. The other main subject preoccupying his mind was the topic of their gathering in the headmaster's office. What on earth could Sirius Black been doing? It was a thorn in Snape's flesh that he wasn't able even through his profound contacts to get a hold on what Black was up to and on whether the suspect was indeed a sworn Death Eater or not. Some of his sources said he was a close associate to the Dark Lord and fledged his allegiance to him in eager insanity and thus that he would still be flocked to the fate of Voldemort. Other sources and his own mind doubted that. Black seemed somehow squishy. You couldn't really get hold of him if you search for proves of his allegiances. Snape's own natural mistrust and suspicion told him that the role the wizarding world's public assigned to the escaped prisoner was not adequate. Though Snape cultivated a stubborn hatred for him even over all those years, which had passed since their common school time, he wasn't sure Sirius had EVER been a Death Eather and thus it was a big probability that he still was not. And then of course, even if his suspicions would prove right, he would keep his mouth shut for the time being. "Let them hunt this bastard down till he's suffered enough to made it even.", thought the DADA-teacher to himself. But there was even more on Snape's mind. What could be his own role if the Dark Lord reemerges? Basically he knew for himself, where his allegiance lay. Yet, he couldn't act in order to this in the open to avoid failure to Dumbledore's plan. For the time being Snape worked hard to support the old fool even though he disliked him for his assumed master-knowledge on who could be how manipulated to achieve what was (in his liking) the greater-good. Snape's own plans so far went along to Dumbledore's and funnily enough it has been this way for around the last 14 years. Naturally, Snape hid everything to that concern in a deep part of his mind, safely conceiled by his Occlumantic-skills – his face was blank, as it always was.

Professor Lupin felt torn in two on his inside. Certainly it wasn't the werewolf in him, which diverted one part of his mind. As long as there was no full moon the new professor had no problems in this regard. No, it was a division inside his conscious mind. Firstly, he was seriously preoccupied by the security of the castle. He knew that attacks were going to come. Though he used his old friend Black often as a pretext to spurt his agenda, he knew other forces where just as dangerous as the perceived danger Black could hold. It sickened him somehow that even he, as an old friend of Sirius, didn't really know what was his intent now, nor what it was then during the incident with Peter Pettigrew 14 years ago. Interestingly though Peter, James, Sirius and him had been really close to each other, especially while they themselves studied at this very school. The anger that things had fallen apart like this, one of his friends turning over another one for whatever it was Voldemort offered had risen during the time he had to suffer alone as an outcast. This anger had turned to rage a short time ago. Lupin had a plan he was eager to fulfill. And the first step was to prevent whoever wanting to put harm to the school, to Harry as their all big hope against the Dark Lord in the future and to himself as the castle being his only safeguard to live he could come up with in the last decade.

* * *

 **POV Snape**

"It's good, that you all had the time to come to this meeting. We got work to do.", the headmaster said to his small assembly. "As you're all aware the school is in a dangerous situation. Though I'd rather have it otherwise, we must prepare the castle's security measurements immediately."

Hearing this, Werewolf-Remus shuffled somehow restless in his seat and sat up straighter than before, like he was the guardian of Hogwarts. Pah, just pathetic. If you would've seen him all pale when he nearly craweld to your office to beg you for his ration of wolfsbane potion you start questioning his capabilities in providing any security – if not he himself posed the thread to the school.

Dumbledore continued:"After the events of the previous two years I needed to recapitulate our wards around the school. Of course, as you all know perfectly, Hogwarts can be deemed one of the safest places in England."

Upon hearing that Minerva and me nodded in agreement. The headmaster was right. Even as the first war poured hell out upon us, this very school was the only place I kind of felt safe. Needless to say that I wasn't dumb enough to believe that I was, given the abilities of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

"Sadly, the enemy obviously infiltrated us before. As it is our greatest concern as leading board of the school to provide for the well-being of our students, we have to improve all our measurements especially with the background of Sirius Black breaking out of Azkaban. Although I am myself not so concerned about Black as proposedly being a Death Eater, I fear especially two things. First of all as his godfather Black might try to reach Mr. Potter, which under the given circumstances is nothing to be appreciated. Secondly, if Black broke out of Azkaban, other people might have the abilities to do so, too.", Dumbledore went on with a serious look on his face.

"Who do you have in mind, Albus?", Minerva asked. Somehow stating the obvious but nevertheless somebody needed to push Dumbledore towards saying the important stuff.

He answered: "In this instance I'm talking mainly about Bellatrix Lestrange." I knew it that the Old Fool was mostly concerned about her. And he was right by doing so. Bellatrix was an extreme competent witch and one of the eagerest adepts of the Dark Lord. She was so cruel that she quickly rose in ranks and if she wasn't mad already 14 years ago, such an extended period in Azkaban certainly wouldn't have helped her in keeping her sanity. Yes, Lestrange was dangerous and if she managed to get into the castle the students and Harry, Lily's son, were in grave danger...

The headmaster continued: "Another complication is the upcoming Hogsmeade trip this weekend. Naturally we've to include the village into our security plans." Upon saying that, Dumbledore nodded towards Remus, which he on his behalf acknowledged by a short movement of his head.

"Remus has previously brought up to me the idea of using dementors from the Ministry to safeguard the boundaries of the Hogwarts grounds. Given the nature of those creatures I declined that possibility." Minerva sighed in relief as the headmaster said that. In my opinion Remus suggesting something like that was very interesting and totally untypical for him. My suspicions about him grew instantly.

Nevertheless Dumbledore continued: "But I do agree with Remus that things need to be done. Therefore I deem it necessary for the teachers to patrol at night. So we'll introduce a night watch, created by experienced teachers, who see themselves fit for actual combat. I've chosen you three as the core organizers of it. Will you be up for it?"

We all three said our agreements instantly even though the actual working-together-part couln't evolve without arguments, on this one occasion we were agreeing with each other. And for me it was so much better to be able to influence the proceedings and keep in check that werewolf.

"Very well. Now we've got to discuss measures to make the Hogsmeade event for the students as safe as possible...", the headmaster continued for some time and we discussed the matter thoroughly. In the end we decided to take every teacher possible and go with the students to the village, patrol the important places and making sure all wards were accurate and working. Furthermore we needed to get the participation of the villagers. Therefore Lupin, as part of his job as security enforcer, promised to make sure of that.

After this long meeting I went back to the calmness of my office. Interestingly Dumbledore didn't spoke with me about Lucius' visit. Nevertheless I was very sure that the Old Fool knew more than was good for him.

As I arrived, I turned on the beautiful soothing classical music with a short motion of my wand. I conjured tea and sat down behind my big working desk, getting paper and ink out and started writing a letter to Lucius, carefully avoiding telling him too much about our additional safety measures:

 _"Dear Lucius,_

 _There are some news about Black here. Today we had a meeting with Dumbledore. He shows himself concerned about Black's whereabouts but even more about the possibilities of other former Death Eaters being able to escape Azkaban as well and thus posing a threat towards the school. He appointed Remus Lupin as Professor for Security on the Hogwarts Grounds. I don't know what role he plays but he tried to persuade Dumbledore in introducing dementors to protect the school. Naturally the headmaster declined._

 _On behalf of Ms. Karaganova I tried to get a hold onto some pieces of information on her background and generally about her. Even though she seems to be upon the brightest students here I couldn't find out any hard facts about her. It seems like somebody tries to hide it. Do you know more about it?_

 _Draco is well, I have an eye on him be sure of that._

 _Yours Sincerely,_

 _Severus."_

I took a sip of my exquisite black tea as I finished the letter. There was big necessity to be careful about Lucius. Though I considered him to be an associate he plotted for himself. Nearly always ONLY for himself. But as the possibility to have a connection towards the other Death Eaters via him I deemed it fortunate to cultivate our contact. Notwithstanding the need of being extra careful.

With a final gulp of tea I folded the parchment, sealed it and went towards the Owlery to get the letter to its destination in time.


	10. Chapter 10 - Thou Mind Shalt Burn

_Hey everyone! It took me quite some time to continue but here is the new chapter. Please let me know how you like it, reviews are very welcome!_

* * *

 **Chapter 10**

 **-Thou Mind Shalt Burn-**

 _I feel the fear take hold  
Afraid this hell I create is my own  
Calm my franticness, I can't take it anymore  
This used to be my own world, but now I've lost control* _

_In Flames - Delight and Angers_

* * *

 **POV Hermione**

"What did she say?", Ron asked immediately as Harry came back from his talk with Professor McGonagall in the Great Hall after breakfast. As the first Hogsmeade trip ever was due for the third grade students on this beautiful sunny and snowy day, Harry couldn't have been unhappier. His relatives didn't sign the necessary leave for him to be allowed to come with Ron and me. So Ron has told him to go to Professor McGonagall in order to get her permission. Of course I thought it a futile undertaking in the first place but kept my mouth shut. After all, I'd love to have him be able to come with us. His horrible family probably doesn't even understand what Hogsmeade is...

But now his face said it all:

"She said no.", Harry muttered downcastly, "As I don't have the permission of neither uncle Vernon nor Aunt Petunia I'm not allowed to go with you."

"I'm really sorry mate.", Ron said with senseably compassion for his best friend.

"Yea, me too.", I chimed in,"We'll buy lots of candys for you, don't worry!". It was a way too obvious attempt on making him feel better. Ron immediately came to my aid:

"And of course some butterbeer and we'll tell you everything we'll be seeing. Soon we'll be already back and in the end it's just a small town. There might not even be so much to see after all."

Harry answered in a useless attempt to reassure us: "Don't worry guys. I got lots of homework anyway and I definitely need to catch up in Potions and Defence Against the Dark Arts. So, I guess I'll just go to the library or to our common room and sit down next to the fireplace. Please enjoy yourself and don't worry about me."

Hearing him speak like this made me feel bad for not being able to take him with us and astonished at his attitude towards such an unnecessary situation. Harry was such a brave lad and I always wondered how it had been for him to be raised by his unloving relatives, who didn't even give him the possibility for this trip even though it'd have cost them nothing or in the least would have been bothering them. They just hated him. Needless to say, I'd had my own issues growing up. Being always the outcast because of my intelligence and – well – my over-enthusiasm in class from time to time I could at least in some way relate to what Harry must have felt on the inside. Nevertheless I had parents, who always loved me and helped me whenever they could. What would I be without them? Damn, that whole business was so sad. Harry didn't even have parents to help him out...

Gladly I didn't have time to further deepen those sad sentiments. As everybody was filing out of the Great Hall towards the entrance, where Mr. Filch crossed out the names on a large parchment, Ron and me said goodbye to Harry and followed the others outside. It struck me, how tense and alert the teachers already were. Thus I wondered if there was another reason for it than Sirius Black. Professor Flitwick for example hurried around and hushed the students to orderly proceed, while Professor Jeffson restlessly let his eyes wander around the hallways. They did that even though we were still in the castle. Hogwarts was supposed to be the safest place in England! What measures would they then take once we were outside? Take us by hand?

"'Mione, that's definitely NOT normal", Ron muttered to me through a quenched mouth.

"You're right. Do you think it's all because of Black?"

"I seriously don't know. I mean, obviously he is an Azkaban-escapee but some other former Death Eaters have been free the whole time we went to this school..."

"...like Lucius Malfoy..."

"...yea, or the parents of Crabbe and Goyle. There must be something going on here..."

As Ron finished his sentence, we arrived at the castle's entrance door, where Mr. Filch asked for our names. Slightly annoyed by this ordeal, Ron asked the gruff janitor: "Mr. Filch, you know us now for 2 and something years already!"

Filch retorted: "No exceptions Mr. Weasley. Name?"

While hearing this I couldn't help myself but smile. Especially at Ron's face suddenly became of a reddish colour, pronouncing his hair even further. Somehow he looked so incredibly cute like that... Therefore it was no surprise, that as soon as we were outside and on our way towards the horseless carriages, which would take us to Hogsmeade, Ron bursted out: "How can Filch be so supid? He just did that intentionally to mock us. As often as I've been scolded from him he definitely ought to..."

"Ron! Relax, it's just Mr. Filch.", I tried to calm him down with no immediate success.

"Yea, but it's always, ALWAYS us he picks on. I wonder if he and Snape are living together or something...".

Suddenly, Snape's cold voice appeared from behind. A sudden terror clenching at my heart. I thought to myself: "Oh no! Did Snape really just overhear that?". Immediately afterwards I continued my thoughts in a sense of impending doom: "Of course... how couldn't he...".

Like if he could read what I thought the voice said: "Mr. Weasley. As indulgened as always. If you wouldn't have let your anger take the better of you, you might've noticed that I stood directly outside the castle. Gryffindor loses 5 points for disrespectful behaviour. Furthermore, I await you in my office after the next Defence Against the Dark Arts class for detention."

Ron answered shocked but at least once in his life quietly and controlled enough in order to avert getting into more trouble: "Yes, professor."

With that we could finally go and take a seat on one of the horseless carriages together with Dean and Luna. Once the carriages started moving I spoke up to Ron: "I just hope Harry is alright. Just wondering what he does right now..."

* * *

 **POV Harry**

As I left Ron and Hermione I went back to the Gryffindor Common Room. Of course, I had to leave them or they wouldn't have been able to just go. It sucked to be left alone in the castle and especially because there wasn't any real reason for it but the ignorance of my "lovely" family. Well, I wasn't even sure to be able to call them family. After all, isn't your family where your heart lies? The only time I ever felt loved for just who I was was in this very walls by my newly found friends. They are the best friends you could ever dream of and the only ones I have – no, Little Whinging wasn't my home and the Vernons were not my family. Maybe by blood, but that meant nothing to me.

With such grim thoughts I approached the portrait with the Fat Lady and told her the password to enter: "Pris Feniksa!". To my surprise the Lady didn't complain, just moved to the side and I was able to enter the always cozy common room. Naturally, as everyone was on her or his way towards Hogsmeade it was completely empty.

Wait! It wasn't empty! Fred and George, the two persons I expected the least to stay behind in the castle, were broadly smiling at me from the big sofa at the fireplace, while motioning me to come over and join them. A broad fire blazed in the fireside, spreading its warmth through the whole room.

"All alone..."

"...here Harry?", Fred started and George ended.

"Yeah, my relatives didn't sign the paper allowing me to go to Hogsmeade so, ehm, I'll stay here and study.", I answered.

"Mmmh, that's very honourable from you..."

"...to take your studies that serious."

"But wouldn't it be wiser..."

"...to not let this change slip and join the others in Hogsmeade?", the twins answered as nicely set as if they were studying there change of voice. Slightly irritated but also curious I asked them: "How could it be wiser, when there is no other way to that damned village than together with the others? By the way, why are you guys here?"

With a huge grin on their faces they answered in unison: "There are some opportunities to be taken in empty Hogwarts, you know?! Some opportunities to investigate.". Seeing the slight sparkle in their eyes, the one, which indicates that they're up to no good, I decided not to ask about these "opportunities".

Thus the twins continued: "Yes."

"What 'yes'?", I retorted confused.

"Yes, there is another way outside."

"Really? How could it be that Dumbledore doesn't know about it?"

George got from his back a brown old piece of parchment and with a huge grin on his face he declared: "This, dear Harry... is the Marauder's Map..."

* * *

Hunched under my invisibility cloak I hurried down the small tunnel leading from the One-Eyed-Witch-Statue on that third floor corridor corner to, hopefully, Honeydukes Sweetshop in Hogsmeade. As I tried to be as silent as possible and as the tunnel wore on and on I thought about the great possibilities this map held. Besides, I was gayly imagining the faces of Ron and Hermione once they noticed my presence. Furthermore I pondered upon the conversation I've had with Fred and George. Especially about two subjects. First of all they warned me that they'd seen Malfoy's father visiting Snape in his dungeon cabinet. They thought it very odd for Lucius Malfoy to wander around the school grounds when the whole school is worried about the protection against Sirius Black. I felt very bad about it.

Secondly they told me that they've seen on the map Hermione and Julia in the Forbidden Forest, staying a whole evening at one certain spot. Hermione never told me about that. It seems odd for her to break any rule at all, but to enter the Forbidden Forest near dusk seemed unlike her at all. And then again, she came along quite well with that Slytherin girl, didn't she? Remembering how I saw them often in the library, sitting next to each other in silent companionship, studying, talking and laughing together, I concluded that maybe it wasn't that odd at all.

This map definitely gave as a decent advantage over the Death Eaters and Voldemort, if they tried to enter the castle. That was, IF the map could be trusted. So far it did a fine job for me as I noticed the tunnel going slightly upwards. Furthermore I started hearing muffled noises. Soon I reached a thick wooden trap door in the ceiling at the end of the tunnel. Fearing to be seen I breathed in and out a last time and pushed against the door.

Indeed I found myself in the cellar of Honeydukes. After I struggled my way out of the crowded shop while trying to stay unseen, I wondered where I could find Ron and Hermione.

A deep sense of satisfaction started to spread inside me. How the both of them would look, as they'll slowly understand that I was able to follow them on my own. Thus I wouldn't be absolutely honest, if I'd hide my feeling of pride, even though without the help of the twins I wouldn't have been able to find my way here. Especially not with all these teachers going crazy about our security.

Still hidden under the invisibility cloak I strolled around the crowded streets and passed several of my classmates. In the middle of students walking around, chatting, snow falling and me trying to avoid running into anyone I tried to search for my two best friends. Unfortunately I couldn't find them. Who I did find though was Malfoy and Julia.

They chatted quite freely with each other. Obviously Malfoy explained every shop in detail to her and she, whether in a massive display of politeness or in serious interest I couldn't tell, listened intently. Just as I was thinking about sneaking upon them and listening to what he told her (and, well, maybe playing him a trick or two), I stopped on the spot as I became aware of Ron and Hermione coming into my view. They came from the opposite direction of the road and walked directly towards Malfoy and the new girl. Both of them looked equally displeased at seeing the guy, even though I didn't fail to notice the slight indecypherable glow in Hermione's eyes as she saw that Julia was indeed on her free will together with Draco in Hogsmeade. As the two groups met, I walked up behind them so I could hear what they said. Though I still stayed beneath the cloak, I drew my wand to be ready for any possible occasion. You'd never know with Malfoy.

In his snarling teasing voice I heard him start the 'conversation': "Hey, Weasel! Of all people in the world it's of course someone from your red-haired-family we meet. How many siblings do you have again?"

"Shut it Malfoy.", Ron answered with a red touch of anger on his face.

"Oh, getting cocky, aren't you?", Malfoy continued and he wanted to say more but then Hermione interrupted him:

"Get out of our way, Malfoy. We're not in any need of trouble."

"Granger, hello. Yea, I couldn't fail to notice that the golden trio shrinked to a golden duet. Or should I say a red duet?", Draco mocked her while looking at Ron's now tomato-red-face, "So, where is the Chosen One?"

At the contempt in his words I'd to literally restrain myself not to give up my cover and hex him now and then. What held me back was Julia. The look on her face told me that she disliked this kind of conversation. Although she kept her face in a mask of indifference I noticed that she searched and found eye contact with Hermione, her eyes voicing an excuse. Hermione apparently understood, as she took Ron, who obviously were just about retorting something nasty to Draco, by her arm and pushing past the other two. Draco tried to make another one of his hurtful comments but interstingly though Julia verbally somehow restrained him and after he presented his arrogant smile one last time, the two Slytherins turned around and continued on their way. Then I'd to stumble out of Hermione's and Ron's pace in order to stay hidden and not being run into. My heart immediately dropped a beat as the interpretation of Mione's face sank into the depths of my brain and realization struck me: She was really sad – Apparently not because of what Malfoy had said. Connecting the hints Fred and George had given me earlier with my own observations, I came to terms that some kind of connection between Hermione and the new girl was going on. Could she really be into girls?

Unable to answer this question to myself, I hurried to follow my two friends. Consciously they strolled to a side street and then to the backside of some houses to a small space unseen by the public. Then I restrained the urge to throw away the cloak and hug them because I became aware of the conversation between the two. Hastily I put away my wand and listened.

"'Mione, you're crying...", Ron stated the obvious.

While brushing a trail of tears on her cheek away she answered: "Ah, it's nothing. I was just so angry."

"Yea, I feel you. Malfoy is a pain in the ass, seriously."

"Ron, I'm actually not feeling sad because of him. Or not directly. Is Julia seriously going out with that prick?"

"Apparently.", Ron retorted, "You ARE really fond of her, aren't you?"

Very shyly and quietly – and I mean I haven't seen Hermione like that in my whole life – she answered that single word: "Yes...".

Seeing her discomfort and Ron's obvious troubles to decide on what to do to comfort her, I decided to come out of my hiding and show them my presence.

"Harry!", both shouted in unison as they saw me removing the cloak. "How did you manage to come here, mate?", Ron asked.

I explained everything to them. That the twins had given me the map and that I was witness to their encounter with Malfoy and Julia. Though Hermione couldn't help herself but to scold me about coming here with all these impending dangers and breaking at least a dozen house rules I noticed her broad smile and relief in having me here with them. I was so happy in that moment. Hogwarts indeed had become my home – Ron and Hermione indeed my best friends.

But as if Voldemort himself wouldn't let us that precious moment of peace and happiness we suddenly started hearing loud screams all over town. People shouted incomprehensible stuff and all our senses went into flight mode. Adrenaline pumped through my veins; my heart was beating incredibly fast. Because it already became dark outside we couldn't see much. Exception given for the lights coming from the shops in town. The other side, facing outwards into snow-covered fields with a forest at its end was laid in darkness.

All of a sudden, Hermione started to shudder heavily: "I... I'm so cold... what's happening?"

A snow-white Ron turned around to the outside of the town and pointed breathlessly to black floating shapes coming near to us. What on earth was happening? Ron's mouth was moving but I couldn't hear any words. Just as I noticed that I started having 'eye-contact' with one of those things... though I was scared to death as I realized that they hadn't eyes, just blank sockets...I thought my head started to explode. Screams were getting louder and louder, I sank to my kness, Ron and Hermione shouting something but I couln't understand what. Just screams...

Then one... scream... – and it all went dark and blank.


	11. Chapter 11 - To Save, You Need to Lose

_Now it's getting interesting, isn't it?_

* * *

 ** _Chapter 11_**

 **-To Save, You Need to Lose-**

 _*So what if you can see the darkest side of me  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal* _

_Three Days Grace_

* * *

 **POV Julia**

The earpiercing scream hit my brain immediately - and I didn't need to think for long, where it came from. Indeed my mind hadn't left Hermione the second I've seen her together with Ron and especially her sad face as she'd seen me walking around with Draco. This idiot even needed to mock her. How am I going to make up for that? What happened to her? Was she alright?

The noise told me that something was wrong with Hermione, or at least around her. A sudden surge of fear rushed through my veins. In an instand I was running back and towards the screams. Draco followed me, even though I wasn't really aware of him then. As I entered the small side-alley towards Ron and Hermione my mind went to autopilot - a stage of being I was used to through years of extended practice. Automatically I scanned the background scene for any threat.

Then I saw...Harry! He lied on the ground, somehow unconscious. How the hell did he come here, as his relatives didn't sign the leave for Hogsmeade? Why is it always the bloody boy-who-lived who turned up being in trouble and why did he always need to pull his friends into it?

Next I saw Ron... and 'Mione with drawn wands pointing outwards into the dark in an obvious state of terror. Then I saw them...

* * *

"Are you sure, you want to go down that road now? Again?", he asked me. Apparently I was back in the place I used to go when I'm alone. There was the same lounge room as always when we met. A small fire was burning inside the all so familiar fireplace. Despite the mediocre light the room was dark. He sat in the armchair, his hands put together in a gesture of self-control and power. As always he wore fine clothes. Tonight he wore black suit trousers, a white starched shirt with its sleeves rolled up to the elbows and the upper button loosely opened. His hair was combed back but slightly disarranged. My appearance didn't resemble anything like that. I was standing in a plain black dress, bare feet and still in shock from the reality outside this place.

"Anna?", he inquired firmly.

I instantly snapped back: "What?!"

"You know exactly what I mean.", he responded calmly.

"Why do you always need to play teacher to me?"

"You're unreasonable.", he retorted shortly.

"Unreasonable? I need to get back... and... and... help... friends...", I mumbled agitated.

He responded, still a statue of calmness: "Like I said unreasonable. There is no time here. We can talk as long as we want - and you know that."

As I knew that he was right but also way too reluctant to admit that I just kept quiet. Apparently, he continued anyway:

"Anyenka, please, don't do that. Don't bring back the ghosts of the past, don't go down that road again. Last time it took me ages to get you back, it hurt my heart to see you like that."

Touched by his comment I lowered my gaze to my feet and admitted: "Yes, I know."

After a brief moment he stood up from his chair and quickly crossed the short distance to where I was still standing - barefeet and with an aura of craziness around me. He took up both his hands and delicately touched my shoulders. As he touched me I shivered involuntarily.

"Please, look at me.", he said softly.

"I'm way too easy.", I thought to myself. Nevertheless I raised my head reluctantly and our eyes met.

He continued: "When I found you the last time, after you were sucked up by the darkness, you were a mess - close to insanity. Then I thought I've lost you forever. Please don't put me through that again..." While he said that, he took me into his arm and I somehow melted away. I hated myself a little bit for that but to no avail, as I felt myself start to sob into his strong chest. There I was again, crying like a little girl. In that respect he'd power over me and I hated anyone, who'd that. Thus, after another brief moment, I looked back into his eyes and said: "I have to."

After I recognized the first sign of understanding and shock in his eyes, I quickly came back, out of that marvellous warm room and back into the cold cruel world...

* * *

... Dementors. Dozens of them were lurching out of the woods and the semi-wilderness towards Hogsmeade. Hermione and Ron tried their best with the curses they'd already learned to keep these soul-eaters out of range. In a struggle worthy of admiration they tried to safe themselves and Harry, who lay somehow unconscious onto ground, unmoving, seemingly dead.

Of course he wasn't, I sensed that immediately. Naturally their attempts to stupify the attacking creatures failed. Soon they were upon my friends, trying to leech upon their very souls. It was then, when I felt my body adjust at what was about to come in order to save my friends.

My heartbeat increased tenfold, cold sweat started to cover my skin, coldness swept over me - but not from the Dementors, from the core of my very self. My eyes turned black, dark veins appeared on my light, otherwise flawless skin, my muscles tensed. Fortunately, everyone was focussed on the attacking creatures, otherwise I wouldn't have been sure, what they would have feared more: Them or me, suddenly turning into something darker. Something they maybe didn't encountered before.

As always, I immediately felt my senses extend. Easily I could detect the centre of every living being around me, I'd knew exactly where their soul was located, where they tried to hide. The people around me, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco in a safe distance. The ravens in the sky, the bugs in the earth, my own. The Dementors didn't have one but I sensed their presence, too. They had something different instead of a healthy being's soul. Something more evil, but still detectable.

The moment I changed, some Dementors took special notice of me. They came towards me, sensing that their only chance was to get me down while I just got started. When the first arrived, it immediately tried to look me into my eyes and to suck on my soul - I just smiled at it. Through endless meditation I'd tuck enough of my own energy away in an inner part of my mind for cases like that. I didn't want to kill, to be able to start my abilities - remembering His words I didn't want to go down that road again. The Dementor came close to me, but instead of being able to suck on my soul, it felt the energy drip out of itself and right into me, fuelling me, filling me. Other Dementors came and tried to do the same. After the first imploded in a loud scream, the others failed in their attempt to topple me over ever more quickly. As Dementor after Dementor disappeared, I felt myself more and more powerful. The only problem was that it felt good. It felt so nice to be able to utilize the power of another being, to use it's energy for your purpose. The more Dementors I brought down by feasting on them the more I felt the all so familiar rage built up inside myself again. Like in the old days.

Even though all of this happened in just a few seconds, it felt like an eternity for me. I was drawn back into the old of mine. I started to remember vividly the power I once held, the things I could do - the rage always nudging at my inner barrier to let it free. When I saw Ron and Hermione - MY Hermione - drop to their knees and succumb to a Dementor (another one was starting to nourish itself on Harry) I focused all my energy onto them. It was paramount to rescue them and I didn't think much. Instead, everything worked on auto-pilot.

I felt the power within myself tremble beneath my skin. At my fingertips all the energy, the combined product of my own life force and that of the vanquished Dementors, tried to break free. My face was by now truely demonic - all the colour had left. My eyes got even darker, my lips, my eyelids... Small veins seemed to get bigger and a whole net of fine capillars were to be seen on me. Humanity ceased to exist in my facial expression. With an eery grace, I directed my thoughts and everything inside me I could muster towards the enemies upon my friends. Screams filled the air and black light ate the last moon light. The Dementors around the others vanquished. The remaining fled.

A crazy sense of happiness flooded over me. From the dead I got even more energy, my enemies succumbed once more but I wanted to destroy more. Nevertheless I realized I was in a dangerous situation. Right now Harry, Ron and Mione were kind of unconscious or occupied with themselves. But only in a few moments they would look at me. They could never see me like that. I had to disappear.

Therefore I directed the vibrant jive of energy inside myself to transform me. Thence I entered the Shadowworld. Mortals could not see me, the dead could but would not be able to reach me. The dangerous were the revenants, caught in between. Angry and vengeful entities, way more dangerous than Dementors.

Nevertheless, at the moment I was too powerful for them. They hid in the twilight while I hurried away, towards Hogwarts. To be able to transform back I needed to calm down, to meditate and to transfer the evil energy inside me into a mental container I could safely conceil it into. Hence I needed calmness and peace. Besides I needed to be quick to get somehow into the castle with the others so no one would be suspicious of my whereabouts.

With a last, shady but proud look onto Hermione, I hurried away. Like the haunted beast I was.

* * *

 **POV Severus**

As the all too known feeling of coldness crept into me I instantly thought the cause to be Dementors. When I saw how many attacked the small village of Hogsmeade I couldn't help myself and feel fear. Of course, not necessarily for the inhabitants, myself or ignorant students. But for Harry and in doing so for Dumbledore's plan to defeat You-Know-Who. What did all of these arrogant fools know about the evil ways of the Dark Lord, anyway?

After I heard several high-pitched screams, I knew things were screwed heavily and I ran towards the biggest noise, wand drawn and ready to cast a patronus. Then I hurried around a corner and a pale-faced Draco Malfoy ran into me.

"Professor Snape! Professor Snape!", Draco screamed breathless, "It was Julia! She destroyed the Dementors!"

"Mr. Malfoy, calm yourself down. Up to my knowledge, Dementors cannot be destroyed as they are already kind of dead.", I repeated, my interest hidden behind my usual mask of indifference.

Draco, in an obvious struggle to control himself and to calm down his composure, answered: "Yes professor, I know professor. But I'm not lying. She... she... did something and some of the Dementors disappeared and the others fled..."

"Something? Dementors fleeing? Did Ms. Karaganova somehow managed to cast a patronus-spell?", I inquired calmly and a little bit uncredulously.

"No, Sir. I don't know what she did. But she saved Granger, Weasley and Potter, who were in deep trouble fighting off the Dementors."

"Is Mr. Potter alright?"

"I don't know for sure, Sir. But the Dementor didn't kiss him, if it is that what you mean."

"Yes, thank you Draco. Go to the main street, join the others and go calmly back to the castle. The headmaster will address this issues soon."

"Yes, Sir."

"And Draco... Not a word about that to anyone but the headmaster and me."

The boy nodded sternly and moved to the direction I came from.

For another brief moment I stood still and pondered what I just heard. What could Draco mean?

Even though I hated to admit it to myself, the important thing was that Potter was safe. It was obvious, that the Dark Lord was behind the attack. Did someone aid him? Was it seriously Sirius Black?

Deciding, that I could ponder these questions more efficiently in the quietness of my study I started running again. Soon I reached the golden trio. They were all three standing but also fear and pain was written into their faces. Suddenly Professor Flitwick and - aaargh - Lupin joined us. Somehow these two were absolutely convinced that the one person guilty of all this should be Sirius Black. I doubted that story from the beginning though. Don't get me wrong here, I HATED this man. But he was definitely too dumb to think out a plan like that plus he was freaking afraid of the Dementors with him being in Askaban for so many years.

Anyway, we escorted the three back towards the castle. Damn, how could this have happened? There must've been a traitor in our ranks...

* * *

 **POV Lucius Malfoy**

It was around 10 p.m. and I wondered, whose indulgence it was to send an owl at this time. Then I recognized the black owl to be Draco's. Immediately, I let the creature in, gave it something to eat and drink and took the small parchment from its leg. Next I sat down behind my heavy oak desk, unfolded the piece and read:

 _Dear Father,_

 _Dementors attacked us in Hogsmeade. Potter nearly got kissed. Julia came and rescued him and Granger and Weasley. She did it all on her own, without casting a patronus! I don't know what she really did, but she ... changed. She appeared to be a dark creature of some kind and she sucked out the Dementors - not the other way around! Father, I know it sounds weird, but I speak the truth. Even more as after she defeated the Dementors she disappeared. I'm sure she didn't disapparated as I could still feel her presence. But she was gone. I couldn't see her anymore._

 _Of course, I'll try to get more information about it. Why do Dementors attack Hogsmeade?_

 _Yours,_

 _Draco_

"Stupid boy!", I thought to myself. How could he ask me about the Dementors, as if it was for me to write him an answer about that via an owl. Anyway, I quickly burned the parchment with a flick of my wand, leaned back, folded my hands and thought.

Could it really be possible?


	12. A Secret Shed But a Love Won?

_Long time no see! But finally the story continues - and I am more than happy that you still bare with me!_

* * *

 _C_ _hapter 12_

 **-A Secret Shed But a Love Won?-**

 _"Who are You?", the devil said,_

 _"That you dare to demand?_

 _A fool indeed misled,_

 _As for every wish I grant_

 _Thou shalt suffer tenfold and never stay unharmed."_

* * *

 **POV Julia**

I was running like hell. Rushing past shimmering shadows, fading schemes and bizarre faces I tried as hard as I could to get as much distance between me and and the scene of attack. There was an intense feeling of euphoria pumping through my vains and all inhibitions I might have had before were vanished. Finally, a fight again! And finally I killed again! Well, can you kill the dead? Considering where I was right now, I believed the answer to that question was unquestionably YES! And it felt awesome, like something, which usually belonged to me, went missing for a long time and finally found its way back to me in the time of greatest need... What a bittersweet bliss... It was great - and I was as powerful as Merlin himself. Or at least that was what I've felt.

In contrast, I was not only running away from my newly found friends in need, teachers I was required to trust and class mates. Despite my ecstasy there was still enough sanity left in my mind to see the danger I was currently in. This included not only the scenery in the light, where Harry, Ron and 'Mione (mmmmmh... Hermione-e-e...) had been left in their shock, but rather the twilight in which I was physically present at the moment. In years of training in places where time is irrelevant and not measured in categories of the light, I'd learned bitterly that despite my sense of power it was in truth me, who was the haunted in this realm. Right now the revenants and other travellers kept hidden because of my sudden intrusion in their familiar surroundings. Nevertheless, it was paramount to get enough space between me and Hogsmeade in the quickest manner possible. Whatever, I could run as fast as I want because "how do you outrun the monster when you are the monster?" [Quoted from Anita Blake]

Of course, I would need to come up with a very good excuse for returning back to Hogwarts early and unnoticed by all the teachers guarding the small village near the school grounds. But that problem would find an answer later. Right now, I had to leave the "crime scene" redhanded as no one would ever believe my version of the story. Because of that I could not dare to find any sympathy if anyone caught me. While I continued running, silent screams reached my ears and the agony of dozens of tortured souls added up until my I had to cover my ears in a futile attempt to shut out the silent screams of the restless entities around me. As futile as my efforts were, the noise succeeded in filling my mind until it started racing in haunted agony as well. Running, sprinting, rushing towards an aim that continuously became smaller in my head: somewhere out of Hogsmeade, where I could transform back unnoticed. Meanwhile, the revenants would have loved to keep me in the twilight, to have a new victim to play with. Therefore the screams in my ears increased in number and volume and preoccupied me more than the lurching creatures, which curiously watched my radiant dark frame hurrying past them. But how much time would I have until they figured that watching me was not enough?

Nevertheless, I hated running away in fear - like IF I needed to fear anything? Why whould you run away if you think that you can kill anyone and anything as soon as you put your mind to it?

Luckily for me, a sober part in my conscience remained clear and urged me to leave the twilight, as it might have been the same hybis, which forced the revenants to stay there. At last, after I've left Hogsmeade for about half a kilometer in the direction of Hogwarts, I found a secluded broad oak tree near to the path. It was sufficient for my purposes, as it could easily provide me with cover from unwanted eyes. Hunkering down, I checked a last time my surroundings and made sure that nobody could see me. Then I closed my eyes and started meditating. After a battle like this, in which I'd sucked up so much energy, it was especially hard to stay focussed. Once again I travelled in my mind - but not to my usual comfortbale locaction, where HE would be waiting for me with fierce anger and pitiful compassion drawn on his face. With the first I could easily cope, the second was much harder to deal with.

No, the place in my mind I was heading to was a location I had not accessed for ages. As soon as I entered it, I felt the beast in me calming down. Although I also immediately knew and remembered, why I'd chosen a long time ago to not come back here. The reason was obvious: albeit here was the only place, where this dark side of me was truely accepted and welcome, it also represented hours, days and weeks of pure agony for me. Nevertheless, while I was here nobody could judge me or my abilities as I led no one in except for myself. Thus what was unimaginable in the other, outer, reality, was quite normal here.

Even though I relished my ability to step into rooms like that - created realities - I also knew that it was dangerous. It could drive you mad if you spent more time in spaces in your head than with your whole body in the normal world. Yes, you can create whatever you want inside your mind and connect it with certain features of your magic but the outer world should always remain your focus. Because this "normal" reality was the one, which could get you killed and in order to do something positive in this world you should not indulge too much into the pleasant surroundings of your imagination. Anyway, easier to say and reason like that than to live it.

Here I was, feeling myself entering the usual oval room. It was pretty big, had no corners, no windows and lacked anything, which could possibly distract me. The place was dimly lit by dozens of black and red candles, as well as by an open fireplace at the right-hand-wall, in which a fire threw flickering shadows on the dark walls while magically no smoke thickened the air. An easy fragrant of lavender and rosemary filled the area, just how I liked it. Besides the fireplace a heavy desk, bookshelves and a huge cozy seat was filling the room.

Instantly I went to the top drawer of my massive desk and pulled out my small pensieve. Next I sat down in front of the fire, put the pensieve on my lap, got my wand out and placed it at my left temple. Taking in a last shallow breath, I started retrieving the memory of the beast in me, my feelings of euphoria as I absorbed the energy of the dementors and any positive connotation of my encounter, which I could find, and stored it safely away. Then I stood up and checked another drawer of my desk, and took out a black crystal. Standingly I spoke a long and complicated enchantment, which once I luckily had to learn by heart, tipped on the crystal with wand and drained my absorbed power into it. Like this, it left my bodily form and could not harm me anymore with the evil spirits of my victims. My crystal was for me like a life-insurance in the muggle world, as I could access the stored energy anytime I returned here mentally.

As the big scratches on the colourless wall to my right trapped my eyes for two seconds, I became aware that I loved this room. Here was maybe the only place in the whole world, where I could live my twisted side without harming anyone. Ath the same time I also became aware that I should not stay here much longer. Once upon a time I've spent too much time here and actually I'd though that this facet of my life was far gone. Then again his words echoed in my mind:

 _"Please, don't do that. Don't bring back the ghosts of the past, don't go down that road again."_

What had I done?

Slowly, very slowly, I felt my eyes fill wih tears but as soon as I became aware of them I angrily wiped them away. I HAD TO DO IT! I had to save... to save... my _friends_?! Sadly, I could not really trust my own voice while saying that last part. Anyway, it was not like I enjoyed doing it... or did I? Again...? Feeling the rage building up in me I jumped up, killed the fire with a flick of my wand and went outside the room without looking back. The pensieve and the crystal simply laid on the floor, like someone had burned herself while touching them and let them falling down - like the dangerous objects they were.

The moment I left this room behind in my mind I opened my eyes in reality. That is the normal reality, the one normal people never leave. Of course, that did not apply to freaks like me. Even though it had seemed like an hour, for real I was only gone for a couple of seconds. A circumstance I was very glad for. I looked down on my hands, my arms and my shoulders. Everything looked quite normal again. Gone were the black veins, which had covered my skin moments ago, and the radiant urge inside me. Instead, I felt very cold and hugged myself in a futile attempt to keep a little warmth to my shivering body. My black robes stuck to my body - apparently I'd sweated heavily and some stains could be seen ath the hem. How on earth could I return back inside the castle with a convincing excuse for what had happened?

Suddenly, fear struck me. I saw a familiar dark, bat-like figure walking swiftly directly towards my direction. What could I do? There was nearly nowhere, where I could hide. Instinctly I hunkered down behind the tree, which posed the only possible shelter I could hope to find. What would happen now? Would I be gone as quickly as I'd come here? Please, no... Would my secret be discovered? Did I just jeopardise my change for a normal life here in England?

"Miss Karaganova, step out from behind that tree immediately!"

\- Oh no! It was Professor Snape, my head of house. Shy, still hugging myself in a protective gesture I stepped back onto the path and looked my DADA-teacher into his stone cold eyes. No emotion, neither a friendly or a hostile one, could be determined on his face. He looked indifferently and blank. I muttered: "Yes, professor."

He sharply answered: "Come with me, now!". After he shortly gestured towards the castle I slowly walked towards him, like a sheep to the slaughter place. I expected a reprimand, something, but as soon as I reached him he abruptly turned towards the castle and motioned me to start walking with him. Damn, I was devastated.

"Miss Karaganova, I reckon you're just about to tell me, why I find you apart from all other students hiding behind a tree, not in Hogsmeade like you are supposed to be, but rather on the way towards Hogwarts. Not to mention the ragged state of your robes.", my head-teacher slowly and firm inquired.

"Sir, I... I...", I haggardly mumbled, "I... was scared." Well, that wasn't a lie, was it?

"Sssscaaaared?", Snape unfortunately sarcastically drawled out.

"Yes, sir. The dementors, the attacks..." No matter what I'd to tell him, I needed to hide as much as possible. Of course, the former Deatheater and master of Legilimency sensed my unease apparently right from the start. Therefore he retorted:

"Certainly. Word has it though, that you behaved rather bravely out there."

"Bravely, sir?"

"Yes, maybe not in your little attempt to escape but certainly in defence of certain other students.", while saying that, his cold hard eyes stared directly down into mine. I started to feel a little nudging sensation in my mind and immediately put my mind into safety mode. Fortunately, this was by far not the first time I had to hide something important from someone able to read the thoughts of others. The question of his success was rather one of time, than of brute force. Naturally, I immediately thought to mentally go back to my black dark room and retrieve some energy from the crystal. But I could by no means be sure, that someone as sensitive as Severus Snape would not sense the sudden shift in my mental makeup - provoked by the trapped spirits I would then use as an energy tank. So I said to myself that I wanted to last as long as possible relying on my own considerable strength.

Seemingly unaware of his attempt to intrude in my thoughts, I forced myself to steadily reply: "Who had said that I acted in any way brave? I'm terrified!"

"Are you? Someone being able to somehow _kill_ the technically not really living, would not seem to be someone prone to fear instilled by apparently inferior creatures." Still his face did not betray any emotion he might have felt at that moment. Quickly I pulled my face straight up to the way infront of us and away from his eyes. While not reducing the pressure he put on my mind, it helped me a lot to concentrate on what to say. What should I say?

"Sorry professor, I have no idea how you got the impression I could kill dementors.", I rather lamely excused myself.

Unexpectantly, his pressure on my mind ceased almost immediately. "Miss Karaganova, we will now go directly to the headmaster. You should be very careful what you tell him. Not all here might be as welcoming and friendly towards you as I am."

WHAT? Was he serious? He honestly thought that how he treated me here was friendly and welcoming? Nevertheless, I was glad he stopped his mental probing and agreed with him on the matter of hiding as much as possible towards Dumbledore. The headmaster was certainly someone harder to deal with than Snape. And Snape already freaked me out.

"Yes, sir.", I obediently said and the rest of the way we walked in silence. By Merlin's beard, what had I gotten myself into now?

* * *

 _"Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it." - Terry Pratchett_


End file.
